My latest book review has me pondering some things. The comparison of Solomon and Christ was being made in this book. The author, basically, made the point that wisdom alone does not ensure a life lived right as Solomon certainly had the wisdom, yet failed in his devotion to the LORD. Christ, however, had all wisdom and also lived the perfect life regardless of the temptations.
Sometimes I wonder which one I aim for--having wisdom or living it.
The last couple of years, I have felt so defiant towards religion, in the sense of mankind's rules of how to live a Christian life based on the outward appearance. I have gotten aggravated with the concept of limiting worship to church attendance, paying tithes, and volunteering when needed. The idea that many see Christians as those who insist on people following rules angered me. I can't say that I blame those who mock Christianity when sometimes what they are shown as examples of believers is contrary to how Christ Himself ever lived. Besides those who mock are the lost, the blind, they're the ones who can't see clearly to begin with and then the picture is blurred all the more by many wearing Christ's name, but not displaying His character.
This last year, He has brought me to the lower depths of my own judgements though. While I riled inside against legalism, He allowed circumstances that would open my eyes to my own religious dependencies and brought me to a place of confrontation. Confronting two choices, one of which must be chosen if I was to abandon legalism, the choices being walk away from Him or live for Him in spirit and in truth.
Suddenly the Scripture in Ezekiel became hard to bear personally...the passage about the hole in the wall, chapter 8 verse 12 "...hast thou seen what the ancients...do in the dark, every man in the chambers of his imagery? For they say 'The LORD seeth us not'..." My choice could not include me leaving Him for I know Him to be Truth, but the option of shedding all religion and pride of that religion and replacing it with opening up every crevice of my heart, my thoughts, my desires and forsaking them, realizing they are not mine but He gets even them, that option has been most difficult for me.
My mind never stops so I constantly find myself going to places that show evidence of me not truly trusting Him. My heart is pretty weak so it can often be pulled in a polar direction from Him. My will has stayed the course, but this has been a most difficult challenge. This is why I understand that having wisdom and living it are totally different.
There is a reason for the writing. Write words. It prompts the mind to ponder what is deep in the heart that we're unaware needs to surface. It's the surfacing that's painful. Acknowledgement of what is really inside of the sometimes ugliness that we are really capable of, sinfulness that lives behind the wall, that is not hidden from Him.
Angel, you have stated one of THE main reasons I write also.....when I "see" my words written, somehow, they are more powerful, more impactful and pierce my own heart even deeper, even though the words are "mine." I know you know what I mean. I, too, struggle with legalism, all the "we're supposed to do this and we're supposed to do that" stuff. I stand with you as we open our hearts to His truth and are willing to simply be "sold out", whatever the cost and whatever that means for each of us. Your blogs are like darts to me. You often seem to speak the very same truths that I, myself, are going through/struggling with. The depth of your written words is powerful and soul piercing. THanks Angel....be blessed in your quest!!
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