tired prayer

Help me to see the picture. My day begins to be consumed with frustration. If I can just get them through breakfast, corral them all into one section of the house, and close the door, then I can have peace. My voice reverberates with aggravation towards them. Yet they have really done no wrong. They've just been enjoying a sluggish morning, as their mother has taught them to do many times. But today it bothers me and my annoyance shows with raised voice and ugly tone.

I'm wearing my selfish glasses today. I see the world (all four walls of mine) through eyes desirous to accomplish something other than what You've put before me. I need to see the picture.

The doors have now opened three times, three different individuals entering my sacred quiet I so eagerly wanted. Now I am really aggravated and tempted to lock the doors to keep them in "their" section of the house. There are days like this one when all the years of care for them feels like it has just landed on my shoulders all at once and the load is heavy. I cannot see the picture. I am just dealing with one stubborn puzzle piece that doesn't seem to fit today.

I tell myself I want something else as well as this life of guiding arrows, but I know inside the extra "I wants" would be as fulfilling as cotton candy in my mouth. There for an instant, leaving a false sense of satisfaction before disappearing and leaving me empty. I want the fullness You offer, but I am tired of the day to day. Help me to see the picture.

If I cannot be given a glimpse of it, then let me see the past, for that is completed. Let me see from where I was so many years ago to the completed picture to this point. Let me see the progress that was made by the day to day for all those years. Remind me how far into the completed picture I've already been brought. Bring me back to my beginning, let me see what You did through all those years when I maintained Your way and clung to You in the "desperate to do more" moments, let me see the void I started with and the fulfillment You have bestowed to this day. Let me see that picture.