Exodus 4:10--"...O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant; but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue."
I have a tendency to get uncomfortable in any type of social situation and with any type of discomfort comes a nervous tongue. A nervous tongue that sometimes says the most absurd things just because I don't know how to handle the unsettling pause in a conversation. Actually, I don't know how to handle most conversations at all.
Now, please, don't take this as complaining about my upbringing, because I've come to appreciate my younger days, knowing that the LORD had plans for me that required me to go through some tough times early on, but as a youngster, I was basically taught to stay quiet and stay out of every one's way. I suppose once taught this for the first several years of life, I just kept doing that out of habit. I cringe in social circles and avoid them if at all possible. I can speak to people one on one or even in a small group if sharing information that needs to be shared, but any kind of social event or idle chit chat leaves me with that nervous tongue, wishing I could run away. I tend to say ridiculous things.
As a matter of fact, that's why I'm writing this tonight because it happened again. I'm not sharing what I said this time, but it was totally inappropriate at best and possibly even offensive at worst. I will give an example of a nervous tongue moment I had once though. At a church we once attended, during the offering, a lady who knew I was expecting asked "boy or girl?" I told her it was a boy and she asked about his name. I told her we were planning on naming him Henry, then came the unsettling pause. Not knowing how to end the conversation I just said "Well, at least he'll have Common Sense." Yes, I'm aware of the fact that this makes no sense whatsoever, in fact to understand what pours from my lips sometimes one would need to be inside my head. At the time what was inside my head was our American History lesson in homeschooling and I was thinking about the pamphlet "Common Sense" which I was connecting to Patrick Henry, who didn't even write it (I had him mixed up with Thomas Paine at the time). Now this woman would never have known what was in my head and that explains the odd look I received from her. I tried to stay away from her after that realizing how difficult it must be for the victims of my odd mangled words.
I feel so terrible for the people who have to deal with me sometimes. It might be better for them if I walked around with a miniature dry erase board and wrote down my responses to comments. I think my words through better in the writing process.
I am hopeful that He will find a way to use me in spite of my tongue. I'm sure next time if I just talk to Him in those uncomfortable moments, then He will either tell me something I should say or maybe help my nervous tongue lie still.
Exodus 4:12--"Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say."
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