walking from the altar

Sometimes in my heart I grudgingly carry my offering to Your altar
Not wanting to part with my "gift" to You
You love a cheerful giver, should I not give my offering
if it is not given with joy

It is an offering that should be placed at Your feet
I cannot keep it, it distracts
But it is precious to me

a desire that may exist only for one reason

simply for me to be willing to give it up

"present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God,

which is your reasonable service."

my reasonable service

a holy sacrifice

giving even that which is most precious

I cry as I approach slowly

the offering-in arms that do not want to part with it

inward cries of 'but it is the one thing I truly want'

more of Your words whisper in my ear

"...but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it."

my mind roams to the man who approached you wanting

to know what more he had to do

for he followed all the commandments

"sell everything, give it to the poor and follow Me"

it was too great a price

and he walked away in sorrow

I want to be willing, but...

I see that man in me

I cringe because my sacrifice, my offering,

my reasonable service is laid at Your feet with clinched fists still holding on to it

had I let it go earlier before I allowed it to find home in my heart

maybe there would be no pain

the pain is evidence of strong attachment

unhealthy attachment

anything held so tightly should be released

and it is, along with many tears

my want laid at Your feet

and I ask for Your grace again

because I do not give it with cheer

I give it because it is something that must be parted with

if I will serve You fully

my offering in exchange for the hope You offer

my want that cannot satisfy in exchange for Your promise that never fails

I can leave the altar with empty arms only when I choose to trust You