wearing the fig leaf

I am thankful for the host of characters described in Your holy book. I find myself playing the role of one or another of them often. When I feel inept, in no position to accomplish any task You may ask of me, my name becomes Moses and I remember You used him in spite of his lacking. When I am temperamental and rash, I am Peter and I am thankful to know that You transformed him and filled him with You so that he ardently spread Your message.

But right now, I think I'm Eve, hiding from You. Running from our times of communion. Reminiscing times when I clung to You, times when my heart seemed firm on Your path, times when I again like Peter insisted "though others may abandon You, I will not" and now knowing in the midst of a trial instead of standing firm, I'm wavering. I feel like I'm wandering through the garden of what You have blessed me with, covering my shame with fig leaves, hiding from You. Keeping away, avoiding You.

Of all of them written about, Eve is not one I see hope in. She is not the one I want to be...I do not remember a major transformation in her. I do not remember her accomplishing anything great for You. I only remember the transgression and shame.

Maybe my focus is targeted at the wrong one...I do remember the story and in that story the focus is truly on You and what You did for her. Yes, there was shame and consequences, but there was great love as You sacrificed the innocent for the first time ever and covered her shame. Death had never been known before then, but it was not hers that happened first. You allowed death to come first at Your own hands before allowing her to experience it. You sacrificed first.

Too often I focus on the wrong ones, instead of seeing You.