unworthy

I use few words when I speak to Him lately. Not afraid, not in rebellion, but few words because for one thing I'm ever aware that He already knows every thought and intent, but also He has blessed me by allowing me to see my own depravity as if through a magnifying glass so I don't miss it. This causes me to come more humbly, more reverently than before, with fewer words and more gratitude.



How can I rightly call Him worthy until I see just how unworthy I am.



The well-meaning in this world would have me love myself and see good in myself, believe in myself, esteem me. I have noticed when I've found any of these thoughts sneaking into my way of life, He suddenly does not seem so supreme. I am acceptable in my own eyes. I cannot convince myself to see His sovereignty. I am blinded by settling for measuring up to mankind's standard of good. A steady diet of religious cheer leading can cause one to become self-focused.



He does not let me stay in my blindness. Instead He turns on a light for me, shining it on my shame, allowing me to see the ugly humanity that lives inside. My ugliness sitting next to His willingness to offer such a costly sacrifice for me humbles me. When the focus returns to the One who set all in motion, when the evidence of His divine protection in my life, when His mercy is clearly seen in spite of my waywardness, when He allows correction to bring me back, when I'm reminded that He who is HOLY gave all for the depraved me, then I cannot help but see how great He is and how unworthy I am. Then I can understand the refrain "Worthy to receive glory, honor, and power..."

Then I approach Him more aware of His sovereignty, unable to speak too many words, just awed that He loves even me.