worship in the quiet

Ezekiel 8:7--"And he brought me to the door of the court; and when I looked, behold a hole in the wall."

I want to worship in spirit and in truth, I want that kind of closeness with You
I sense the nudging inside, the words from You, "they that worship...must worship him in spirit and in truth", You remind me that some of what I call worship really is not because I have held back
I give praise to You with pen and paper sometimes, with keyboard and fingers at others, but I feel You nudging me, reminding me
You want my quiet times too
My times when my head hits my pillow and thoughts come
Where do I let them lead me, what do I allow my mind to dwell on, is my worship evident when it's just You there knowing what I allow my mind to chew on
I can sense the nudging-"Hey, I want your quiet times too, when no one sees but Me, I want your thoughts not only on paper, but the innermost thoughts that no one else knows, give them to Me"
This reminds me of Ezekiel and the hole in the wall, His people were committing abominations, but looking even closer through the hole in the wall there were even greater abominations, things thought hidden
I want a closer walk, I want You to see to the innermost parts and be pleased
I can hide nothing from You, my weak times-when I'm alone with thoughts-I want those times to be full of worship too
That is when true faith is evident when it is lived just between You and me
If I can live it then, then I'll be worshiping in spirit and in truth

Ezekiel 8:12--"...hast thou seen what the ancients...do in the dark, every man in the chambers of his imagery? for they say, The LORD seeth us not;"

the beginning of knowledge

Prov. 14:26-27--"In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge. The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death."


I do not fully understand the fear of the LORD as it is written about in Scripture. I know many people refer to it as highest respect for God not actual fear. In the notes in my Bible, it refers to it as "reverential trust" and "hatred of evil". I certainly see how it would include all of those, but also more.

I remember being in sixth grade and having a somewhat unusual friendship develop. The school we attended had a bad reputation, not known to be a very safe place. I rarely ever spoke to anyone, but somehow there was a girl named Harriet in my class who took a liking to me. She was huge. She had to have been at least a foot taller than anyone else. No one bothered Harriet. She called me "lil' wan" and she stayed near me and let it be known that no one should dare mess with me. I don't know why she liked me so, but I was thankful for the protection. I didn't really fear Harriet myself, but if I wasn't on her side I would have. She was tough, I was not. Anyone I would have feared was smaller than her so being under her protection, I feared no one.

I guess that's how I see the fear of the LORD. He is certainly worthy to be feared. He is the most powerful. He controls all things. I would not want to be opposed to Him. Anything I would tend to fear is smaller than Him and under His control. If I'm on His side, those things suddenly lose their power to instill fear because I'm under the protection of the One who has power over them. He alone is worthy to be feared. If all my fear is wrapped up in Him, I have no reason to fear anything else. Only He offers me promise and hope.

The closer I get to Him, the larger He looms before me, and the more I realize just how little I actually understand and just how amazing His grace is that He would count me as His.

Proverbs 1:7--"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge..."

whatsoever things are of good report

Luke's and Ethan's list of what's good news

Going to a friend's house and having fun
Eating a fudge round treat
Hearing Lily say someone's name
Playing with Lily
Reading the Bible
Going swimming
Holding Grandma's new baby bunnies
Going to Daytona Beach
Going on vacation to Gatlinburg
Learning the books of the Bible
Playing with toys
Laying on soft cozy pillows
Lily giving kisses
Mommy tucking us in and praying at night
Going to Granny's house
Catching lizards
Playing in the sprinkler
Catching minnows
Watching a movie with Jake and Emily
Vacation Bible School
Meeting new friends
Making and eating cookies
Cooking in the kitchen
When Lily smiles and laughs
Jake building us a tent in the living room
Playing the tooth fairy game
Daddy coming home
Daddy wrestling with us
Jake building us legos
Emily letting us play in her room
Going to the volleyball games and the playground
Spending the night at Grandma's
Going to Camp
Going to the park with a picnic (what we're doing today!)

Phil. 4:8--"...whatsoever things are of good report...think on these things"

how can I doubt

how can I doubt You?
there is no greater waste of my time than to question You
thank You that You place young ones around me to remind me what is most important
a seventeen year old who points me to You
using an unusual method, music that fills his ears daily
music with a message--praise to You, worship with an odd beat
"Mom listen to this song, did you hear the chorus?"
Thank You for the words from one who is learning to follow You and not doubt
words that praise a risen, almighty One
words that show me who the dear ones need to rely on
words that focus on You and no one else

"Angels surrounding His throne and
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
The whole earth is full of His glory
All nations bow to His name
His majesty fills the Heavens
Our hearts give thunderous praise
Declare the Lord is forever
Make a joyful noise in this place"
Joyful Noise by Flame


They innocently point me back to You
sometimes not realizing how they are exhorting their own mom, they are being the church to me in many ways
They give back to me what I've tried to give to them over the years oftentimes I've had doubts of any effectiveness on my part, but now they minister to me, pouring out some of what has been poured into them and I get blessed.
I appreciate Your boomerang effect, You knew I would need it. You prepared me to pass it to them so they would be ready to pass it back to me when a time came that they would be the only ones who could reach me at this depth
I trust whatever Your plan may be, after what You have done, how can I doubt

afraid

Psalm 56:3--"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee."

• There are times when I talk of my trust in You much better than I live it

• When a child is late getting home or that strange pain comes back in those times I fear and do more crying than trusting

• The "what-if's" become shadows that hover over me threatening and taunting me

• My heart aches in fear, fear that life may take a turn I'm not ready for

• I am weakest of the weak at those times

• I repeat Your words to me "...without faith it is impossible to please Him"

• And I know I am not pleasing You

• Convinced that I know what is best for me and the dear ones

• Wavering, doubting,...like the one who walks away from the looking glass and forgets what her own image looks like

• Forgetting whose I am, forgetting who has performed all the amazing feats in this life of mine already

• Forgetting the lump of clay I was and the beautiful vessel You are shaping for Your glory, forgetting all that You have done

• I try to remind myself to trust You, for my hope lies only in You

• But I am Peter and I have taken a couple of steps on the water walking to You until now--I have looked at the waves, they have swallowed me, and in the fury of the waters, my view of You is obstructed

• Help me to trust beyond what I can see, beyond my own logic and understanding of how this life "should" proceed

• If walking through a fire is what You plan for glory to be brought to You, then stay in it with me and let me see You with me so that I may walk through it with the faith that will encourage the dear ones

• You know all my pleas, now help me to leave them with You, in faith remembering that whatever You allow, You are God alone and You have the plans--for me and for the dear ones

Psalm 56:3--"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee."

my adversity--His gift 1

Romans 5:2-5--"...and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope; And hope maketh not ashamed;"

Even typing the title to this, I had doubts about my own words and then after thinking on it for about a week, I thought "no, that's right, I do think of them (my adversities) as gifts".

I have been more blessed in my life through adversities than any other blessing minus my children. I cannot possibly list the ways I've been blessed by them in one blog so I added a number one after the title, knowing this will be continued!

For years, I struggled to understand why the One who loves me most would allow painful events in life. I had heard people refer to tribulations as growth opportunities, but being in the midst of them, I felt more knocked down than anything else. I even heard people when I was younger saying that they had learned to be thankful for their trials. I allowed for the possibility that one day maybe I could see things differently and appreciate them, except for one trial. I told the Lord I would never be able to be grateful for depression. Having gone through a handful of years of crying spells, creeping darkness hovering over me, crying till no more tears came, about nothing in particular just crying for no real reason, then staying wide awake from insomnia afterwards, the following days feeling like a zombie with no emotions at all, hiding my weirdness from others because I didn't know what was wrong with me and now I'm still not sure if I should even write these words because it just doesn't sound normal and sometimes no matter how hard the rebel in me struggles, I still do want to be normal! But I guess the one word to describe it all came to be depression. And I knew I would never be grateful for it. I went to talk with someone once, but I was confused and didn't know what to call the craziness in my head so the person I sought advice from had nothing to offer me so I never went to talk to anyone again. Just held on tight to the Lord and cried to Him and questioned Him and even doubted Him. But He had a plan. I know I'll not be able to fully figure out why He allowed things like the depression, but I look back now and I see some things He gave me through that, things I wouldn't have gotten otherwise. One of the biggest for me was the lesson He taught me through the words of someone else. I read about depression after figuring that's what it must be and I read that we are not to live by our feelings, but by our wills. And I realized that as a believer, my will was to line up with His will. I was young and no one had told me that yet so it was profound to me, a lesson that has saved me from a lot of troubles in this life. I learned that lesson about nineteen years ago right before He relieved me of the depression. He is a mystery to me, His ways are a mystery to me. But I know He is trustworthy no matter what He allows me to go through and I'm thankful now that He allowed me one of the most difficult struggles early on. Ha! There I go I guess I am actually thankful for the depression now after all. He is good.

stepping back for victory

Jeremiah 8:22--"Is there no balm in Gilead; is there no physician there? why then is not the health of the daughter of my people recovered?"


You are always my Father
but sometimes I change roles

Sometimes I'm your little girl
who clings to You desperately to stay secure

Sometimes I'm Your woman
who confidently oversees a handful of little ones You've given me

Sometimes I'm Your prodigal
who, after seeking my own way, crawls back to You, hoping for a tiny morsel of anything

Sometimes I am even Your soldier
fearless and bold, willing to speak Your truth

But today I admit I am Your baby, Your toddler
ready to take my toys and go home

I feel like I've been infected with a virus of bad attitudes
I see how it starts:
One thing happens to one person and in just a moment that person chooses to hold on to anger or hurt
and the virus infects them
when others come around they are exposed
they have a choice as to whether they will allow this infection or not
some may choose to reject it, but others...

Sometimes it's just easier to allow the infection instead of resisting it

The problem is the power of the virus grows as the infections multiply
If it was smothered and refused at first, it could not spread
But as it is accepted by a few it grows stronger and even harder to resist by others

This is where I am, exposed by many carriers, infected by my own choice, virus coursing through my life lines, immune system weakened by misplaced time and possibly misplaced service
Feeling the effects of grumblings, bad attitudes, held anger
Feeling myself ready to pass it to others

I need Your antibiotic (again)

So today, this disgruntled child of Yours cancels everything just to be with You, the One who loves me most,
and the ones You gave me who I love so

Time for Your healing words to spread through the fibers of me to destroy the disease that would devour my spirit and my effectiveness for You

You are so patient with Your children, more patient than I am
Correct the infection in me today and make me more like You
Make me resistant to more infection and make me to spread Your healing balm
so next time I will be ready to be a soothing ointment for others, an instrument of Your peace

This time I didn't do so well

Jeremiah 46:11--"Go up into Gilead, and take balm,..."

definitions

Psalm 19:1--"The heavens declare the glory of God..."

One of my middle son's favorite books has been A Hole is to Dig by Ruth Krauss, just a book of cute definitions based, not on the dictionary, but more likely on the author's common sense. Sometimes I'm thankful for things for reasons other than what they're intended for, too. So with that in mind, I've made my own list of a few things.


the sun is to remind me of new mercies

the sun is also to tell me I slept too late

loneliness is to make me thankful for friends when they're around

a mom and dad are to raise kids
a village is to go to when you need milk

books are to make me smile real big and anticipate opening

pen and paper are to comfort me when I write thoughts about Him

a camera is to see the beauty better

a pacifier is to soothe baby
a pacifier is also so mom can sleep
a pacifier is something cherished when it is misplaced

baby feet are to kiss and nibble

baby hands are to softly touch my face and then stick little fingers in my eyes, nose, or mouth just because they are holes and need to be investigated

baby bellies are to blow raspberries on, so a baby will laugh

little boys are to remind them to use soap, pretend spoons are swords, and be tucked in with prayers and a kiss at night

teeth are to fall out so someone can get a treat

cuts and bruises are to show off to friends and ask teachers to pray for

puddles are to be splashed in and mud is to be sloshed in

soft sheets are to reward me for a hard day's work

a husband is to hold his hand while he sleeps and make me feel secure

legos are to be left all over the place so I remember I have children

a pile of dirty dishes is to make me thankful that we have plenty and we are full

a church is to have a spot that only you can fill so when you all work together it's like a whole body functioning well

a cry is to tell me someone's counting on me
a scream is to tell me I'm taking longer than she intended

a death is to remind me not to get too attached to things here

a teenager is to refuse to act the way the world says teenagers are supposed to act to show the world is wrong

termites are to remind me I have a hidden enemy

shadows are to remind me that even in the dark times there is a light

a dandelion is to remind me that God can make pretty things out of what others call useless

a cross is to remind me


Romans 1:20--"For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:"


(Please feel free to add any definitions of your own in a comment, I would love to read them!)

Jesus Calling, Enjoying Peace in His Presence--Book Review

I'm very excited to finally be reviewing my first book. After all, this was actually the whole reason I began a blog. I just had no idea the LORD was allowing me to find something that would offer an outlet that gave me time to draw closer to Him in writing.

I received a special book recently called Jesus Calling. Sarah Young, a missionary, wrote this devotional book. Upon first glance, I was a bit taken by surprise. Before reading the introduction, I briefly read one entry and noticed this is no typical daily devotional. The entries are written in the first person point of view from the Lord. For example, part of January 14th's entry says "Let Me Bless You with My grace and peace. Open your heart and mind to receive all that I have for you..." The entries are actually written as though this is the Lord speaking to you. After noticing this, I knew the Introduction would have to explain this different approach. Sarah Young explains her journey to learning to be a "listener" to the Word. Not only did she want to read the Word, but she wanted to enjoy His presence and listen to what He was saying to her in those words. So she began journaling differently, no longer just telling the LORD her thoughts, but waiting and meditating on what His thoughts were to her based on what He said in Scripture. Her journaling changed from "monologue to dialogue." This type of journaling led to Jesus Calling.



Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence is segmented by months, having an entry for every day each month. There are just a couple of paragraphs of the LORD's thoughts toward us and then Scriptures are included for reference. Throughout the devotional entries there are phrases in italics which are quotes from Scripture so the Word is very evident throughout. It's a small devotional book that could be given as a gift or kept handy for an every day word of encouragement.



I enjoyed reading through the devotional, but even more than that it has prompted me to journal in a similar way in my own Bible time. I want to be a better "listener" to Him as well.

busy-ness

All the squares in my calendar are filled this week
Plans to remember to attend to each day
And while I'm thankful for the outlets You've blessed me with
I am concerned that I may miss the very thing I'm here for
Should I cross out every calendar entry and instead write
"Bring Him glory, Bring Him glory, Bring Him glory"???
Actually I need not cross anything out,
but I do need to remember my purpose
So in the midst of it all
My goal, unwritten on my calendar,
but present in my mind today,
all that I take part in, make it for YOU!
Do not be a tingling cymbal, works without love,
Do not complain when the inconvenient comes,
Step outside myself and my quiet little world
and reach into another's just to show them YOU!
Changing my plans will not bring You glory,
let me live them with continual thanksgiving to You,
and allow that You may change my plans at any moment
so prepare me for what You may send
Staying aware throughout this given day
that each moment is an opportunity for praise
Even amidst the busy-ness I have time to praise You
with actions, attitudes, words...

Colossians 3:17,23--"And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God.......And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;"

infections and cures

Psalm 139:23,24--"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

I see them now, the ignored symptoms, the lingering congestion, lack of energy, weightloss that I did not mind. I allowed them for months until they grew to proportions I could not ignore. Then sitting in a sterile office waiting for one who could understand my body a little better than me, unable to catch breath, pain deep in the chest each time I tried, I cried. Why did I wait so long to come here? Why didn't I pay attention to the little symptoms? Why did I wait till fear of the unknown kept me from sleep? Why? A diagnosis, a handful of prescriptions and I am home again. Relieved knowing my little labeled bottles hold the key to killing the infection inside me.

The same scenario plays out in my spirit sometimes. Ignored symptoms. My mind allows a thought to move in and it grows. I do not ignore You. I still keep Your ways, so I think, but my thought is in its hidden place. Growing like dough with yeast, left alone to rise. I do not stop "working" for You. Of course, the works mean nothing to You, You are wanting me to remove the leaven. But I leave it to rise until finally the "thought" that was once just that, has risen to a place of conflict and an infection causing turmoil. And I have a hard time catching my breath, there is pain in my heart, and I cry...waiting for You, the One who knows my heart better than me. Why didn't I pay attention to the little symptoms, that first thought? Why did I wait till confusion kept me from sleep? Why? You are so good to me. You give me pictures in this life that allow me to understand things. You are patient with Your children.

Where my body becomes ill because of foreign invaders finding their way into it and causing infections, my spirit becomes ill in much the same way. But You have allowed me to learn how this works over the last few years so I look for symptoms now. I watch for potential invaders-- thoughts, worries, fears, all the invaders that I am to take captive. I learn to look for what is true and good, those are my antibiotics. I still struggle sometimes because You made this little mind to think a lot! So thoughts are ever coming at me, but I am relieved knowing You are here and my little leather bound book, full of Your words, holds the key to killing any infection in my heart. Thank You for new mercies this morning.

Psalm 119:11--"Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee."

good news in the "begats"

Matthew 1:1-17


A family tree is like a kaleidoscope. Depending on who's in control of it at the time, it displays many different shapes and colors. My family tree shows me who I have come from, but that's about the extent of the power of it. No "great" person in my family tree guarantees me greatness, no "embarrassment" to my tree guarantees me failure. When it's my turn to hold the kaleidoscope, I choose what my contribution will be.

Recently being more careful to slow down when I hit the "begats" in the book of Matthew, Christ's family tree, I looked back at a few of the "kaleidoscope holders" in His line and looked at their "biographies" for some insight.

• The LORD's plan is not interrupted by man's sinfulness. Our plans might be sidelined, but not His. Just look at Judah's relationship to his son, Pharez. That actually should have been his grandson. His sin caused chaos for some of those around him, but the LORD had a firm plan that was not disturbed. He is in control no matter man's actions.

• My past before my heart and will turned to the LORD does not prevent me from being an instrument bringing Him glory. Rahab was a harlot, but presented with the choice she chose the LORD and His way of hope. He blessed her life after that choice. He took that that was ugly and made it beautiful. I can imagine that once harlot as an older woman looking at her son, the picture of a kinsmen redeemer, while he was holding his son, the future grandfather of a king.

• Evil characters in my family tree do not determine my usefulness in the LORD's plan. Ahaz was evil, but his son, Hezekiah served the LORD and did what was right. Godly characters in my tree don't determine my usefulness in the LORD's plan either! Hezekiah served the LORD, but his son did horrible evils. I have to choose for myself if I will follow His way or not. There is no bad seed in my past that insures my failure for Him and there is no blessing from the past that insures my faithfulness.

• Those who sin after they know the LORD still can participate in His plan. He forgives and restores. Of course, I'm talking about David who though he loved the LORD sinned against Him and faced consequences, but his seed is still in that line. The LORD's love and mercy reach far. David must have been filled with sorrow for years after his sin because of the consequences on his family. But as he breathed his last breath, in that moment just between him and his LORD, he probably rested knowing about the mercies of the LORD.

The LORD has the plan in the works, but He has given me a chance to hold the kaleidoscope right now. I'm not in control of much, just what my actions and choices will be. I cannot break the kaleidoscope or program it for the future. I only have my short little time I'm here to hold it and make a lovely design.

I Corinthians 10:31--"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."

usually I'm the learner

Matthew 18:3--"...unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven."

Every Wednesday night, these small people come in and teach me. I'm the one with the lesson plan, but that usually does not matter. I walk away learning more than them.

They use a very effective style of teaching, no papers, no books, all hands-on. I have a choice, I can either look and listen for my lessons or play the roll of grown up and try to maintain some control. Sometimes, at thirty-nine, I still don't feel very grown up so I tend to look for the lesson. The lessons are always interesting and profound and they're not limited to the classroom.

Sometimes my lesson is about letting go of control and allowing things to go "wrong", all to see that no major catastrophe happens if things don't go my way. They teach this in interesting ways, I guess because they like to make the lesson fun for me. I've learned that mixing play dough colors causes no harm to anyone, it's still play dough and they really like seeing colors blend into rainbows. Also, if a child sits on my lap and then has an accident, it's no big deal if we both walk away with wet pants, they can be washed.

They also have this really great lesson about not holding grudges. Sometimes after I've played the grown up and scolded one of them, that very same one will come up to me and hug and kiss me afterwards with no reservation. Sweet forgiveness demonstrated.

A lot of times they provide opportunities for me to see if the fruits of the Spirit are active in me. Like when one of them for some unknown reason acts out by tossing all the goldfish crackers across the table and onto the floor. Then as I insist on them helping to clean the mess, there's that moment when the child sees the crackers on the floor and I know what's in the mind, but I can't quite get there fast enough to stop them from crushing them with their shoes. I have learned I can hold my tongue in any situation, but my attitude still needs work.

The most difficult lesson for me still has been out of that classroom. It's a lesson I struggle with, but they keep on trying to teach me and they refuse to give up on me learning it. It happens when I'm walking through the church, people are all around. As I walk past people I dearly love and simply smile a half-smile and say the phrase I so dislike to hear coming from my mouth, the phrase that shows how distant I am to people, "how are you" and I keep walking not stopping to even hear the answer sometimes, that's when one of them will show up with my lesson. That child is usually a good distance away, but it doesn't matter, the Lord knows I need that lesson. I hear a loud precious voice yelling "Mrs. Angel" and then running through a forest of grown up legs, he finds me and throws his arms around me. And I feel special. But that is my most difficult lesson because it is the one I fail at the most. One day I hope to learn it and act on it. Maybe I will just begin to live it and shock people. There are people I see every time I'm there and in my head when I see them, I am that little child, full of excitement that they are there and that I get to see them, but as quickly as my heart leaps, my pride says calm down little one, don't make a scene. Maybe I'll start to make a scene.


Psalm 8:2--"Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger."

I dare not hope in the powerless

I Sam. 4:1-11
verse 3--"...Let us fetch the ark of the covenant of the Lord out of Shiloh unto us, that, when it cometh among us, it may save us out of the hand of our enemies."

The Philistines approached and Israel was at war again...but they lost. So what did they do? They took what was sacred and misused it. That ark that represented Your presence, they relied on it, a thing, to solve their problem, to bring them power. They didn't even call to You.

I read the story and see myself.
They tried to manipulate to have the situation turn out their way. Those people of yours, leaning to their own understanding, what were they thinking? I don't really need to ask. I've lived that battle myself.

You know my guilty heart, how it struggles with turmoils in this life and instead of immediately calling on You sometimes I try to rely on another. The other may not be something evil. I certainly do not seek advice from tarot cards or palm reading, but when I rely on anyone or anything but You, my faith is still misplaced.

If my heart is hurt, talking to another may not be wrong, but relying on the other for the comfort that can only come from trust in You is ignoring You and placing my hope in them. You are my only source of hope.

If I find myself in a difficult situation and do not ask You first to resolve it, but instead think how can I solve this myself so it turns out best for me, I am doing nothing more than attempting to manipulate circumstances to bring me a satisfactory outcome instead of trusting You for wisdom and allowing You to show Yourself in my life. You are my only source of wisdom.

If I see other's who I love facing hard times and do not first, hand them over to You in prayer, but instead try to intercede on their behalf, I am no help to them. For even if they think my actions have helped them, I have done nothing, but brought glory to myself and provided a very temporary source of help for them, when I should have shown them You, their only resource for real hope, eternal hope. They must know that it comes from You and that You simply allow us to be vessels which pour out Your goodness. For I am not big enough for anyone to hope in.


I have done this before, hoping in the ark to rescue me. The ark for Your people so long ago was that one beautiful sacred object. For me, it is many different things that I have placed my hope in. I read the story and it reminds me of me. And I am thankful for the reminder.

Psalm 62
verse 5--"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him."

What We Do Have

Prov. 16:25--"There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death."

A dear friend reminded me recently of the fallacies touted by the world in romance novels and romantic movies, might I add myself, even certain songs. The thoughts so often promoted would have us, as women, committing idolatry and making ourselves prey for a lurking enemy. The thoughts? There is a man out there who should be able to look us in the eye and know our soul. There is a man out there who can know the most secret places in our heart and can fill up any void we have. Dare I ever put my sweet husband in such a position that he was not intended to fill. There is One who knows my soul and only One who knows the most secret places of my heart and only One who I dare ask to fill the void He was meant to fill. To put my husband or any other person in that position would be no different than molding a golden calf and bowing down. There is so much danger in filling minds with the world's version of romance. Danger to single people because they may search so long for a love that is not meant to exist between two people, but individuals and their Creator. Danger for married people because they can become dissatisfied with the one they've chosen, convinced that the right one is still somewhere out there. I've experienced this struggle myself over the twenty years of marriage to the point that I've had to turn off certain music because the lyrics portray love between a man and woman as the ultimate fulfillment. Movies, television, and books (my weak spot, as I have enjoyed Jane Austen for years), too, present "love" in such a way that anyone experiencing a difficult year of marriage can walk away empty and wanting that phantom of romance.
So to my dear husband, who so very sweetly reads my blog, I release you from any pressure of filling shoes you were not intended to fill and thank you for how you have filled the ones that were meant for you.

What We do Have

We do not always look into each other's eyes and know what is in the other's heart

We cannot always tell what the other is thinking

We are not so in sync that we know exactly what the other is going to do in every situation

But I'm glad for that, it means there is still a mystery about each other

Things yet to discover

and it makes me focus on the treasures we do have

We have you cuddling with me because you know I need comfort

We have me going to sleep long after you, kissing your back and taking your hand while I doze off

We have both of us giving a little twinkle in the eye as we glimpse at each other when the kids do something great

We have me crying because I'm upset and you trying to solve the problem because you just want me to be okay again

We have you smiling an "are you alright?" smile when we're off somewhere and you know I'm uncomfortable

We have you and I praying together, not every day yet because we're just not that consistent, but we're still working on it

We have twenty years behind us, twenty years that we've spent learning each other's ways and adjusting our own to match

We have two minds that have learned to think as one

We have two wills that have learned to act as one

We have five incredible blessings that motivate us to stay true to Him

We have One who has put us together and kept us

I will not ask you to be my everything, I will be thankful for everything you are though

II Pet. 3:17--"...beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own steadfastness."

(Thanks for the reminder, Jen)

Five Arrows

Psalm 78:56,57--"Yet they tempted and provoked the most high God, and kept not his testimonies; But turned back, and dealt unfaithfully like their fathers; they were turned aside like a deceitful bow."


I watch all five of them, our little arrows. The responsibility staggers me sometimes. Not so much the day to day care for them. Yes, that's a lot also--the feeding, clothing, caring for them. But that is nothing compared to preparing them for the inevitable. One day they will die, just like me and everyone else, and I have to prepare them for that. That must sound morbid to come right out and say it like that, and no, no one has been given a diagnosis in our family lately that turns my mind to death. But it is going to happen one day so why would I spend so much time preparing them for things that may happen, but not preparing them for what they cannot escape?


I have no hesitation in teaching them about the LORD and teaching them His way. I talk about His Word with them and I pray with them. My concern is me. They watch me. They see where my treasure lies. They pick up on my weaknesses. So I have had to grow just so my arrows stay pointed in the right direction...toward Him.


Sometimes I want to wander. This is when it really gets me--the staggering responsibility. If I wander, my arrows will follow. Arrows can only go in the direction a bow points them. My flesh pulls and an enemy entices and I get very tempted. Sometimes very tempted. I have weak flesh. But I think about my arrows and I cry. Aim them straight for Him so they will be safe on that day, I think. That day that will come for us all. But also aim them straight for Him so they can live abundantly until then. If I don't, if I am a "deceitful bow", they will be the ones to feel the pain.


Avoiding their pain motivates me. Whatever it costs my flesh is worth their lives. I can do without earthly desires that may tug on me. I have been given a handful of arrows and no practice shots. No arrow can be spared. In order for them to go in His direction, I must stay focused on the target first. This is why I hold tight to Him because I know me.


Psalm 19:13--"Keep your servant also from willful sins..."

Celebrating Our Nation's Heritage

Psalm 33:12--"Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD..."

While taking some time as a family to discuss how blessed we are to have been born in this country, we shared some excerpts from The Treasury of Great American Speeches by Charles Hurd. The following are from speeches that were given at critical times in our nations history. We enjoyed reading them and wanted to share them here.

Patrick Henry, 1775:

"Sir, we have done everything that could be done, to avert the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament. Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded; and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne. In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. If we wish to be free...we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of Hosts is all that is left us!

They tell us, sir, that we are weak; unable to cope with so formidable an adversary...Sir, we are not weak, if we make proper use of the means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. Three millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Besides, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations; and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us...Gentlemen may cry peace, peace--but there is no peace...Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!"

Abraham Lincoln, 1865:

"...It is for us, the living, rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us--that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion; that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain; that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth." Gettysburg Address

Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1942:

"Our enemies are guided by brutal cynicism, by unholy contempt for the human race. We are inspired by a faith which goes back through all the years to the first chapter of the Book of Genesis--'God created man in His own image.'

We on our side are striving to be true to that divine heritage...Those on the other side are striving to destroy this deep belief and to create a world in their own image, a world of tyranny and cruelty and serfdom.

That is the conflict that day and night now pervades our lives. No compromise can end that conflict. There never has been and never can be successful compromise between good and evil. Only total victory can reward the champions of tolerance and decency and freedom and faith."

Remembering how blessed we are to have been born in a nation so rich in Godly heritage, and praying for our nation as it is today.

River of His Delights

Psalm 36:8-"...Thou shalt make them drink of the river of thy pleasures"

Sometimes I pray without uttering words, just grunts of the soul. Utterances that can't be spoken, only the LORD can understand what is in my heart at those times because I'm not even sure how to express my needs. And then He answers, He answers the unspoken prayer.

Recently, He has answered one of those unspoken prayers. After a year or so of happy chaos in our house, I have told my husband that I feel slightly lost. In the midst of the feeding, clothing, cleaning up after, and schooling the precious ones we've been given, I have felt lost. I wish that was not true. I read and talk to so many women who seem to not struggle with their blessed lives of being mom, wife, and all that that entails. But I do struggle. I reached the point of seeking advice recently from a dear friend, Amy, who has nearly double the number of children I have. This is where the LORD started His wonderful way of doing things. Amy gave me great encouragement and told me to find something I would enjoy being involved in outside of the household responsibilities. Sounded good, but I had no clue what to do. I live in a somewhat remote place, where would I go to get involved in something? My hobbies at this point consist of reading and writing. What does someone with limited interests like that get involved in exactly?! This is when I started uttering to the LORD!

Around this same time, I had discovered reading books online and mentioned that on FaceBook. Another friend, Sue, of Who I Am Instead, told me about reviewing books. All I needed, she said, was a blog. So began my adventure with blogging! Since then, not only have I found an outlet for my reading, but also for my writing, and also I have discovered some incredible women who are like Titus 2 women that I have already begun learning a lot from, just by reading their blogs. I haven't even had to travel any distance from home either. I have needed this! But this is how the LORD loves me so well. He has plunged me right into His river of pleasures. And I am drinking up!

Sweet thanks to Amy and Sue, and also Barb and Deb for helping me see how encouraging blogging can be when we lift Him up and share it with each other.

Matthew 7:11-"If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?"

Remembering

About six months ago, we cleared an acre of planted pines. Our house happened to be right in the middle of this acre. Trees had been as close as twenty feet to our home, so close you had to walk outside and look up to see the sky. It was very much like the saying "can't see the forest for the trees," we never could see the woods, because we were in the midst of them. All we saw were trees. Amazing how, when in the midst of something, vision is impaired. Mine has been lately. All I've seen are the trees--the many bits and pieces of my life and how imperfectly I juggle them, surely I must be failing people left and right. But the One who loves me so well intervenes, sets me up at a new vantage point so I can see the big picture again. He makes me remember what He has done in this simple little girl's life--the husband, who is a gift; the children, five little arrows to point in His direction; the ministry opportunities, that have blessed me more than others. The blessings do not stop, my cup is running over. As I place myself back in that young girl's mind, all those years ago, I think, if someone had told me back then all that He would do for me and what this life would look like today--what would I have said? I know...I would have smiled and thought "He's going to do all that for me?"
So now, vision restored, as well as soul, I see the forest and it is good. He will get me through all my little struggles that obstruct my vision the same way He's gotten me through the last twenty years...His way, with me clinging to Him.

Deuteronomy 8:2
"And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee..."