infections and cures

Psalm 139:23,24--"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

I see them now, the ignored symptoms, the lingering congestion, lack of energy, weightloss that I did not mind. I allowed them for months until they grew to proportions I could not ignore. Then sitting in a sterile office waiting for one who could understand my body a little better than me, unable to catch breath, pain deep in the chest each time I tried, I cried. Why did I wait so long to come here? Why didn't I pay attention to the little symptoms? Why did I wait till fear of the unknown kept me from sleep? Why? A diagnosis, a handful of prescriptions and I am home again. Relieved knowing my little labeled bottles hold the key to killing the infection inside me.

The same scenario plays out in my spirit sometimes. Ignored symptoms. My mind allows a thought to move in and it grows. I do not ignore You. I still keep Your ways, so I think, but my thought is in its hidden place. Growing like dough with yeast, left alone to rise. I do not stop "working" for You. Of course, the works mean nothing to You, You are wanting me to remove the leaven. But I leave it to rise until finally the "thought" that was once just that, has risen to a place of conflict and an infection causing turmoil. And I have a hard time catching my breath, there is pain in my heart, and I cry...waiting for You, the One who knows my heart better than me. Why didn't I pay attention to the little symptoms, that first thought? Why did I wait till confusion kept me from sleep? Why? You are so good to me. You give me pictures in this life that allow me to understand things. You are patient with Your children.

Where my body becomes ill because of foreign invaders finding their way into it and causing infections, my spirit becomes ill in much the same way. But You have allowed me to learn how this works over the last few years so I look for symptoms now. I watch for potential invaders-- thoughts, worries, fears, all the invaders that I am to take captive. I learn to look for what is true and good, those are my antibiotics. I still struggle sometimes because You made this little mind to think a lot! So thoughts are ever coming at me, but I am relieved knowing You are here and my little leather bound book, full of Your words, holds the key to killing any infection in my heart. Thank You for new mercies this morning.

Psalm 119:11--"Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee."