Losing Buttons and Some of the Shine

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly,..." The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

I have lived the "Velveteen Rabbit" years lately, just for the last few. Something happens when you land in the midst of a very genuine group of people. When you surround yourself with people who exhale the love of Christ, it's contagious. I found myself in that spot a few years back and it led me to a very simple prayer yet a very difficult journey. The prayer? Lord, make me real. The journey? Best described by the old Skin Horse in the above quote in the children's book The Velveteen Rabbit. I prayed that prayer because I saw a lacking in myself that kept me from being effective for Christ. I recognized that a number of people at our church were effective because they wore no fronts, had no masks, spoke no idle words. I so disliked my front and my many masks and how I spoke idle words often just out of nervousness. I wanted to be real. Wasn't really sure exactly what that meant, how they got that way, why I didn't just have it naturally, I just knew whatever it took, I wanted to be real. I wanted to more about Christ and less about me. Wow, that was a few buttons, a lot of hair and a couple of popped out eyes ago and I'm still not there! Becoming real is painful. It involves confession, sacrifice, and correction. For me, it's involved all that and more. It is worth it though. Growing pains always seem to hurt, but growth is a good thing. It's a sign that we're being really loved a lot. Kind of like what the Skin Horse tells the rabbit in the story, "When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." But in this life it's God doing the loving.

Hebrews 12:6-11
verse 11--Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

Mysterious

With most people, the closer I get to them the better I know them,

but not with You

The more You mold me like clay,

allow me to be sifted,

send me through the refining fire

the closer I feel to You, but the more baffled I am about You

The more I realize how little I know of You,

how small my understanding of Your way is

Just as astronomers searching the heavens, seeking more knowledge about them,

continually find not more knowledge, but more heavens, more to be studied!

I draw closer to You searching for more answers about You,

but I find more to wonder at

The closer I get the more baffled I am, but the more I trust You

Simple Life

When I was a youngster, my family had very little. We lived in Georgia for a small portion of my childhood. Life was filled with picking pecans, shelling peas, and walking around the roots of a very large pecan tree at my great Grandma's house. We sometimes picked in other people's gardens, getting to keep half of what we picked for our pay. We rode our Granddaddy's pony for fun when he let us. Once we even had a rotten tomato fight in the garden that I vaguely remember, but apparently left others sick of tomatoes for a while. My sister and I shared a bed and she would tell me stories about her school day late at night when we went to sleep. I think she just made them up, but I liked listening. Sometimes we would take turns scratching each other's back. We each had one baby doll. I still have mine, his name is Danny and he still bears the marks of my reckless love. Life was fairly safe, except for the time my sister convinced my brother and me to drink bleach. She insisted it was orange juice and to this day says she didn't know. I think she wanted to be an only child. We had so little and yet we had enough. Life changed when I was still young. We moved. But as I remember those Georgia days, I'm so thankful because I learned early on to do without. What a wonderful gift my parents blessed me with and they didn't even intend to. Maybe sometimes the things we can't give our kids is a blessing they will thank us for as adults.
Philippians 4:11....I have learned, in whatsoever state I am in, therewith to be content.

Happy Birthday to my Mom and Thank You for teaching me the simple life!

I cry to the One who loves me so

In times of darkness, I know You are there...but sometimes I cannot feel You

My flesh pulls me this way and that, sorrow takes root, I isolate myself, I long for comfort from You

I have no where else to turn, there are no hands offering me what You offer

So I wait

Waiting is uncomfortable, like being past due with a child, unable to move, sleep, be at peace

No, I do not wait

I cry, I want Your comfort now

I begin to see--

my arched back as You attempt to clothe me

my lips sealed tightly refusing the nourishment You provide me

my hands by my side not taking Yours, determined to do it my way

me running from You because I do not want to be changed...

I see me screaming because I want You now-just do things my way

I see Lily in me

She is only one...

Then I see You

You tolerating my arched back and my sealed lips

Patiently offering Your Hand

Arms waiting for me

Allowing me time to remember that You mean me no harm

But as a good parent does not offer the solution to a child piecing together a puzzle, but lets the child figure it out for growth of mind

You allow me to struggle so I learn to trust You.....that's growth in my heart

So I come back...and wait

and I hope You see my Lily smile I give You
and my Lily dance, as I sway back and forth, carefree in Your presence
and I'm thankful You give ear to my Lily babblings because just as hers bring me such joy,
I want to bring You joy

The Google from Him

There's a reason for the title of this blog -blessings by the google. My life is full of blessings that can't be numbered. Well, okay, a google is an actual number, but I'm certainly not standing around waiting while anyone tries to count to it. Obviously, it's unheard of for someone to try. It's one of those numbers which denotes an end that can't be seen. That's how it is with my blessings. I have a very rich life, but the strange thing is that all the events that have led to such abundance were actually quite unintentional on my part. The man I married-didn't have the maturity to pick so well-gift from God. Five kids-didn't actually plan for them all to be here-marvelous blessings, each one. I did have plans. Spectacular plans, so I thought, but I'm so thankful they didn't come to be. My plans would have found me alone in a self consumed life. As a teenager, I saw my desperate need for Jesus and turned a life over to him that seemed to be pointless. He took it and ever since has been shaping it into something spectacular for Him. Now, it has been a struggle because I am a very flawed person, but His strength is greater than my weakness, His hope is more appealing than my despair, and His plan is more magnificent than my greatest dreams. I have been given the Jeremiah 29:11 promise. Actually, I'm living that promise already. He promised me a future and a hope and He is delivering. I see that my biggest obstacle in that future and hope is me. As long as I cling to Him and stay yoked with Him, He keeps doing incredible things in this life of mine. Frankly, He's making me look like I really know what I'm doing which is hilarious because I'm always relying totally on Him to carry me. And He does...

His child

I am amazed by how often I find myself to be like Israel in the Old Testament. The Lord says do this and for a while I listen and obey, but then I look elsewhere and get distracted. Before I know it, my heart is not set as firmly in the confidence I once had in His promises. He seems distant even though I'm the one who moved. I question things that I know to be true and excuse things I know to be wrong. I am quite simply Israel. Instead of staying under the shadow of the Almighty, I find myself up on the high places offering my sacrifices to another. Then comes His love in a very powerful way. Just as He wouldn't allow Israel to defile His name by their constant sins, He doesn't allow me to defile it either. His love comes through compassionate loving correction. Painful, uncomfortable correction. Sometimes He may use a friend or possibly a message from a pastor. Other times it's something from Him in His Word or sometimes one of my own children reminding me of something from there, that one is usually a real stinger when they point something out! Sometimes it's the silence from me separating myself from Him that is too unbearable that has me, the prodigal, running to His everlasting arms. However it happens, it's the picture of mercy. He hasn't cut me off instead He loves me enough to keep me from destruction so He intervenes before I jump over a cliff that I can't even see is before me. In Psalm 91, I'm encouraged to know that I can dwell in His secret place while I abide under His shadow. With me, I have to remember to stay under His shadow and not wander. When I stay close to Him, dedicated to following His way, I'm secure in my mind and every other way. He offers me so much protection and comfort. I know it's true because He tells me all that He offers me in that Psalm, but I also know from experience. I've lived it and found it to be true. I hope as I age my times of correction will be fewer. I'd like to know I learned something from reading about the trials and correction of Israel and Judah from the Old Testament.