There is beauty in a sieve, a separator, something that filters the unnecessary from the vital. In dealing with children a sieve saves a mama. Exactly how are we supposed to fit everything in that the world says is required for raising children. Maybe that's the enemy's strategy--'convince them there is so much that must be included in this child rearing that they'll agree that it takes a village to raise a child', then Mama and Daddy lose part of their authority status to others who God did not intend to be primary voices of instruction.
Lately, I have found peace in the sifting. In our schooling this year, I have let go of my determination to finish text books and instead chosen to enlighten these sweet skulls with Unit Studies, marinating in one topic for a few weeks, reading everything we can get our hands on about it. For the younger ones...the Middle Ages, complete with knights, kings, queens, and castles. Starting soon for the older two...the history of our Florida county along with a genealogy of their Papa's family to be wrapped up and presented to him at Christmas. We still do math and there are other courses ongoing for the older two, but textbooks do not reign, they serve us only as we need them. As we read out loud, play lots of games, make lap books, and discuss what we've covered, I realize this is what they need most. This has stimulated their minds. This will stick, whereas so much of the textbook work once given priority simply looked good in the portfolio, but wasn't retained.
Today I saw fruits of sifting out pulp and adhering to the necessary. Nine year old, while reading the biography of Martin Luther started his own list of spelling words for next week. Peasant, squire, medieval, several more...all words from his reading. Words he will remember because they meant something to him...because he's read about them and understands their meaning. Any list of spelling words I can give him would never mean so much and probably would not stay with him long. A year and a half ago, he struggled with reading, now after sifting out the pulp that once wasted valuable time for true learning, he is developing a love for learning. A love for learning is my goal for them because that well never runs dry.
The sifting started later in my homeschooling than I wish, but I'm thankful the One who is not limited by His creations of time, space, or matter can take my late start and produce a harvest that will astound. He is their teacher and mine too.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
faithfulness in the drought
You are faithful in ways I will never fully understand
Even when I experience a drought, finding myself weak
Ashamed of who I am because I cannot seem to accomplish anything
Speaking words, loose words, empty words that have no real depth,
Because I feel no real depth
Wishing I could avoid people so my lacking would not be seen
Not from embarrassment, for everyone goes through dry times,
but wishing to avoid people because I have nothing to offer them
How can I say such a thing
I do have You that I can offer always,
but I have not filled up with You so it is not You that comes out
It is mindlessness that pours out,
the jumbled stutterings of one who is tired
and has taken equal care of the body
as she has the spirit lately
Yet no matter my condition You stay the same
You remain faithful
Placing people around me in the strangest of places,
people who speak words that I know are prompted by You,
even though they themselves would not recognize it
they would think their words were chosen by them
but I recognize the message in their words
A consistent message shared by the voice on the radio,
the Wal Mart associate,
the book I "just happened" to browse through,
the child speaking innocent words not even well thought out,
all from different sources, one doesn't even know the other,
but they all speak the same message
The one You want me to hear
because You are faithful even when I'm not
Even as I struggle, You remain constant
Never changing, always offering Your words that I need
Sending them through messengers unaware
You are faithful in ways I will never fully understand
II Timothy 2:13--"If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself."
Even when I experience a drought, finding myself weak
Ashamed of who I am because I cannot seem to accomplish anything
Speaking words, loose words, empty words that have no real depth,
Because I feel no real depth
Wishing I could avoid people so my lacking would not be seen
Not from embarrassment, for everyone goes through dry times,
but wishing to avoid people because I have nothing to offer them
How can I say such a thing
I do have You that I can offer always,
but I have not filled up with You so it is not You that comes out
It is mindlessness that pours out,
the jumbled stutterings of one who is tired
and has taken equal care of the body
as she has the spirit lately
Yet no matter my condition You stay the same
You remain faithful
Placing people around me in the strangest of places,
people who speak words that I know are prompted by You,
even though they themselves would not recognize it
they would think their words were chosen by them
but I recognize the message in their words
A consistent message shared by the voice on the radio,
the Wal Mart associate,
the book I "just happened" to browse through,
the child speaking innocent words not even well thought out,
all from different sources, one doesn't even know the other,
but they all speak the same message
The one You want me to hear
because You are faithful even when I'm not
Even as I struggle, You remain constant
Never changing, always offering Your words that I need
Sending them through messengers unaware
You are faithful in ways I will never fully understand
II Timothy 2:13--"If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself."
senior year
While talking to a friend today, for a brief moment I became overwhelmed with the "demands" of this senior year for our big guy. My friend described the costs involved with making this a memorable year for her son. The pictures, the ring, the senior trip, yearbook... Then there's the graduation ceremony. She mentioned so many things that for that moment I shrunk thinking how am I going to get all of this done?!
That's when I had to remind myself that just as we've never tried to mimic the public school system for their education, we won't copy them for this special year either. There are a few similar things we will do, like pictures and maybe even a ring. But the homeschooling life is so different. It has been centered around shaping their character and teaching them to focus first on Him and He will lead them.
It's tempting, even in homeschool groups, to get caught up in following the standards set by society. But some of my favorite sources of encouragement come from homeschoolers who remind others (while reminding themselves!) that education wears a different face for each homeschooling family. In homeschooling, not every child will read fluently by the age of 5 or take Algebra when they're in 8th grade or perform well on the A.C.T. Homeschooling's great benefit is that it does not concentrate only on scholastics, but searches for how each child is brilliant. They are all brilliant in some way, perfectly suited for some great calling from Him. So I'm looking forward to making this year special for our big guy. I'm not sure exactly what it will include, but I don't plan on allowing a lot of stress. So it will be simple because I want to enjoy this last year I have the privilege to sew into his mind.
As he's becoming the man God shapes him to be, I want him to concentrate not on what field of study or work he'd like to look into, but I want him to prayerfully consider exactly what the Lord may be leading him to do. I am so thankful to have him with me everyday and I will probably shed tears the day we celebrate his graduation with friends and family without the cap and gown and no walk in front of hundreds, but knowledge implanted in his brain and hard work behind him and in front of him. It will be a special day.
Here are a couple of great links about the individualized learning that takes place in the homeschooling environment: http://intent.squarespace.com/ and http://fimby.tougas.net/homeschool-insecurities-and-goals
That's when I had to remind myself that just as we've never tried to mimic the public school system for their education, we won't copy them for this special year either. There are a few similar things we will do, like pictures and maybe even a ring. But the homeschooling life is so different. It has been centered around shaping their character and teaching them to focus first on Him and He will lead them.
It's tempting, even in homeschool groups, to get caught up in following the standards set by society. But some of my favorite sources of encouragement come from homeschoolers who remind others (while reminding themselves!) that education wears a different face for each homeschooling family. In homeschooling, not every child will read fluently by the age of 5 or take Algebra when they're in 8th grade or perform well on the A.C.T. Homeschooling's great benefit is that it does not concentrate only on scholastics, but searches for how each child is brilliant. They are all brilliant in some way, perfectly suited for some great calling from Him. So I'm looking forward to making this year special for our big guy. I'm not sure exactly what it will include, but I don't plan on allowing a lot of stress. So it will be simple because I want to enjoy this last year I have the privilege to sew into his mind.
As he's becoming the man God shapes him to be, I want him to concentrate not on what field of study or work he'd like to look into, but I want him to prayerfully consider exactly what the Lord may be leading him to do. I am so thankful to have him with me everyday and I will probably shed tears the day we celebrate his graduation with friends and family without the cap and gown and no walk in front of hundreds, but knowledge implanted in his brain and hard work behind him and in front of him. It will be a special day.
Here are a couple of great links about the individualized learning that takes place in the homeschooling environment: http://intent.squarespace.com/ and http://fimby.tougas.net/homeschool-insecurities-and-goals
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
maybe I should practice staying quiet again
Exodus 4:10--"...O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant; but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue."
I have a tendency to get uncomfortable in any type of social situation and with any type of discomfort comes a nervous tongue. A nervous tongue that sometimes says the most absurd things just because I don't know how to handle the unsettling pause in a conversation. Actually, I don't know how to handle most conversations at all.
Now, please, don't take this as complaining about my upbringing, because I've come to appreciate my younger days, knowing that the LORD had plans for me that required me to go through some tough times early on, but as a youngster, I was basically taught to stay quiet and stay out of every one's way. I suppose once taught this for the first several years of life, I just kept doing that out of habit. I cringe in social circles and avoid them if at all possible. I can speak to people one on one or even in a small group if sharing information that needs to be shared, but any kind of social event or idle chit chat leaves me with that nervous tongue, wishing I could run away. I tend to say ridiculous things.
As a matter of fact, that's why I'm writing this tonight because it happened again. I'm not sharing what I said this time, but it was totally inappropriate at best and possibly even offensive at worst. I will give an example of a nervous tongue moment I had once though. At a church we once attended, during the offering, a lady who knew I was expecting asked "boy or girl?" I told her it was a boy and she asked about his name. I told her we were planning on naming him Henry, then came the unsettling pause. Not knowing how to end the conversation I just said "Well, at least he'll have Common Sense." Yes, I'm aware of the fact that this makes no sense whatsoever, in fact to understand what pours from my lips sometimes one would need to be inside my head. At the time what was inside my head was our American History lesson in homeschooling and I was thinking about the pamphlet "Common Sense" which I was connecting to Patrick Henry, who didn't even write it (I had him mixed up with Thomas Paine at the time). Now this woman would never have known what was in my head and that explains the odd look I received from her. I tried to stay away from her after that realizing how difficult it must be for the victims of my odd mangled words.
I feel so terrible for the people who have to deal with me sometimes. It might be better for them if I walked around with a miniature dry erase board and wrote down my responses to comments. I think my words through better in the writing process.
I am hopeful that He will find a way to use me in spite of my tongue. I'm sure next time if I just talk to Him in those uncomfortable moments, then He will either tell me something I should say or maybe help my nervous tongue lie still.
Exodus 4:12--"Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say."
I have a tendency to get uncomfortable in any type of social situation and with any type of discomfort comes a nervous tongue. A nervous tongue that sometimes says the most absurd things just because I don't know how to handle the unsettling pause in a conversation. Actually, I don't know how to handle most conversations at all.
Now, please, don't take this as complaining about my upbringing, because I've come to appreciate my younger days, knowing that the LORD had plans for me that required me to go through some tough times early on, but as a youngster, I was basically taught to stay quiet and stay out of every one's way. I suppose once taught this for the first several years of life, I just kept doing that out of habit. I cringe in social circles and avoid them if at all possible. I can speak to people one on one or even in a small group if sharing information that needs to be shared, but any kind of social event or idle chit chat leaves me with that nervous tongue, wishing I could run away. I tend to say ridiculous things.
As a matter of fact, that's why I'm writing this tonight because it happened again. I'm not sharing what I said this time, but it was totally inappropriate at best and possibly even offensive at worst. I will give an example of a nervous tongue moment I had once though. At a church we once attended, during the offering, a lady who knew I was expecting asked "boy or girl?" I told her it was a boy and she asked about his name. I told her we were planning on naming him Henry, then came the unsettling pause. Not knowing how to end the conversation I just said "Well, at least he'll have Common Sense." Yes, I'm aware of the fact that this makes no sense whatsoever, in fact to understand what pours from my lips sometimes one would need to be inside my head. At the time what was inside my head was our American History lesson in homeschooling and I was thinking about the pamphlet "Common Sense" which I was connecting to Patrick Henry, who didn't even write it (I had him mixed up with Thomas Paine at the time). Now this woman would never have known what was in my head and that explains the odd look I received from her. I tried to stay away from her after that realizing how difficult it must be for the victims of my odd mangled words.
I feel so terrible for the people who have to deal with me sometimes. It might be better for them if I walked around with a miniature dry erase board and wrote down my responses to comments. I think my words through better in the writing process.
I am hopeful that He will find a way to use me in spite of my tongue. I'm sure next time if I just talk to Him in those uncomfortable moments, then He will either tell me something I should say or maybe help my nervous tongue lie still.
Exodus 4:12--"Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say."
Sunday, September 20, 2009
walking from the altar
Sometimes in my heart I grudgingly carry my offering to Your altar
Not wanting to part with my "gift" to You
You love a cheerful giver, should I not give my offering
if it is not given with joy
It is an offering that should be placed at Your feet
I cannot keep it, it distracts
But it is precious to me
Not wanting to part with my "gift" to You
You love a cheerful giver, should I not give my offering
if it is not given with joy
It is an offering that should be placed at Your feet
I cannot keep it, it distracts
But it is precious to me
a desire that may exist only for one reason
simply for me to be willing to give it up
"present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God,
which is your reasonable service."
my reasonable service
a holy sacrifice
giving even that which is most precious
I cry as I approach slowly
the offering-in arms that do not want to part with it
inward cries of 'but it is the one thing I truly want'
more of Your words whisper in my ear
"...but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it."
my mind roams to the man who approached you wanting
to know what more he had to do
for he followed all the commandments
"sell everything, give it to the poor and follow Me"
it was too great a price
and he walked away in sorrow
I want to be willing, but...
I see that man in me
I cringe because my sacrifice, my offering,
my reasonable service is laid at Your feet with clinched fists still holding on to it
had I let it go earlier before I allowed it to find home in my heart
maybe there would be no pain
the pain is evidence of strong attachment
unhealthy attachment
anything held so tightly should be released
and it is, along with many tears
my want laid at Your feet
and I ask for Your grace again
because I do not give it with cheer
I give it because it is something that must be parted with
if I will serve You fully
my offering in exchange for the hope You offer
my want that cannot satisfy in exchange for Your promise that never fails
I can leave the altar with empty arms only when I choose to trust You
Friday, September 18, 2009
is there a place for them
Sunday evening I visited the jail again with another lady, Tammy. We go to have church in an odd shaped, very cold room with any of the women who want to participate.
We arrange the chairs so that the atmosphere is very casual, no podium, just chairs in a circle. Misfits reaching out to misfits. Those who have found a hope trying to share it with those desperate for it.
Jail is where I experience the greatest church services. It is always real in that room. No one is concerned about appearance. No fake smiles. No cliques. Social status does not exist where everyone is dressed alike. With all masks removed, we're free to have church. We ask Him to show up and He does. I sometimes don't even know how to begin. But He equips us with the one thing we need, the Truth.
This past Sunday four women came. They are usually pretty desperate for a change. And just like the parable of the seed that Jesus spoke of, they all take the message differently. Some of them take the words that are spoken just for a short season and then let them go. Some of them don't seem to listen at all, they just want to get out of the living quarters for a while. Some of them want to change, but they are so trapped in bondage to lifestyles and friends who influence them that they go back to their old ways. But every once in a while, someones heart opens and they see their desperate need for a Savior and they long for Him. They see the hope in Him and that is what they run to. This happened last Sunday. The same woman I've seen a few times over the last couple of years...before when the seed of His Word was shared, she was not interested and other times she seemed to not understand. But this night, when confronted with the the message, she realized she needed to know for certain that she was one of His own.
Now everyone knows about jailhouse religion and I think I've actually seen it demonstrated myself. In a courtroom, when someone walks before the judge and proclaims they have started fresh and are now attending church, but I know they've gone back to their old ways. They just think the church word and starting fresh may sound convincing enough to gain some leniency. Thankfully both of the judges I've listened to, pay no heed to that. But sometimes there are those who sincerely seek the Truth and they want to walk with Him. What do they do when they get out of jail?
I have asked this quietly to myself and in prayer over the last couple of years, never pleased with the answer. We invite them to come to church always. Most of them who come only come once and don't return. When I compare and contrast the jail church services with the church on the outside, I think I understand their hesitancy. Is there really a place for them? They are broken, scarred misfits who walk into a foyer where there are no sections for misfits or into a Sunday School class with no section for the broken. I am a broken, scarred misfit myself, but I do not even know how to show them that when I am at church. I have no problem sharing that with them in that odd shaped room in the jail, but at church even I find it hard to be vulnerable enough to let people see the real me...the me who is broken and scarred and certainly does not fit well in many crowds. Instead I find myself struggling to find a spot and opting shamefully for withdrawing quietly into my own well chosen area where I feel safe. How will I reach out to them when they come if I'm not even sure I belong sometimes? I think there are many people in church like that. I know it causes me to appear uncaring and self-absorbed. The ladies in jail interpret it as judgemental and hypocritical. That's why they say they don't want to come. How do we tear down those kind of walls that so many church members, like me, are responsible for putting up?
Their desire to come to church is very real sometimes, but in a church they are seeking a safe place...a house of mercy. A place of acceptance. They have little to offer. They need more than they can give to begin with. They are babies in Christ and probably not ready to serve in many capacities when they first come. We reach out to minister to them, but do we really want them to come and be part of our congregation, can we learn how to open our arms and pull them in? I do not find myself courageous enough to know I can do this. I would love to go to church every Sunday in that odd shaped room. Very little is hidden there. Words are spoken freely. Scars are displayed with no shame because we all have them. Struggles are talked about because each one faces them. People are not afraid to be vulnerable because they know they are accepted. I do not experience freedom of that sort anywhere outside those jail walls and it leaves me wondering if I am mature enough in Him to even be ministering there.
For any one of you who periodically stop by this little blog, please take any time you would usually use to comment and pray for those women in jail. There really are some who want to follow the One who offers truth and life, but they find it so difficult to fit in the church.
We arrange the chairs so that the atmosphere is very casual, no podium, just chairs in a circle. Misfits reaching out to misfits. Those who have found a hope trying to share it with those desperate for it.
Jail is where I experience the greatest church services. It is always real in that room. No one is concerned about appearance. No fake smiles. No cliques. Social status does not exist where everyone is dressed alike. With all masks removed, we're free to have church. We ask Him to show up and He does. I sometimes don't even know how to begin. But He equips us with the one thing we need, the Truth.
This past Sunday four women came. They are usually pretty desperate for a change. And just like the parable of the seed that Jesus spoke of, they all take the message differently. Some of them take the words that are spoken just for a short season and then let them go. Some of them don't seem to listen at all, they just want to get out of the living quarters for a while. Some of them want to change, but they are so trapped in bondage to lifestyles and friends who influence them that they go back to their old ways. But every once in a while, someones heart opens and they see their desperate need for a Savior and they long for Him. They see the hope in Him and that is what they run to. This happened last Sunday. The same woman I've seen a few times over the last couple of years...before when the seed of His Word was shared, she was not interested and other times she seemed to not understand. But this night, when confronted with the the message, she realized she needed to know for certain that she was one of His own.
Now everyone knows about jailhouse religion and I think I've actually seen it demonstrated myself. In a courtroom, when someone walks before the judge and proclaims they have started fresh and are now attending church, but I know they've gone back to their old ways. They just think the church word and starting fresh may sound convincing enough to gain some leniency. Thankfully both of the judges I've listened to, pay no heed to that. But sometimes there are those who sincerely seek the Truth and they want to walk with Him. What do they do when they get out of jail?
I have asked this quietly to myself and in prayer over the last couple of years, never pleased with the answer. We invite them to come to church always. Most of them who come only come once and don't return. When I compare and contrast the jail church services with the church on the outside, I think I understand their hesitancy. Is there really a place for them? They are broken, scarred misfits who walk into a foyer where there are no sections for misfits or into a Sunday School class with no section for the broken. I am a broken, scarred misfit myself, but I do not even know how to show them that when I am at church. I have no problem sharing that with them in that odd shaped room in the jail, but at church even I find it hard to be vulnerable enough to let people see the real me...the me who is broken and scarred and certainly does not fit well in many crowds. Instead I find myself struggling to find a spot and opting shamefully for withdrawing quietly into my own well chosen area where I feel safe. How will I reach out to them when they come if I'm not even sure I belong sometimes? I think there are many people in church like that. I know it causes me to appear uncaring and self-absorbed. The ladies in jail interpret it as judgemental and hypocritical. That's why they say they don't want to come. How do we tear down those kind of walls that so many church members, like me, are responsible for putting up?
Their desire to come to church is very real sometimes, but in a church they are seeking a safe place...a house of mercy. A place of acceptance. They have little to offer. They need more than they can give to begin with. They are babies in Christ and probably not ready to serve in many capacities when they first come. We reach out to minister to them, but do we really want them to come and be part of our congregation, can we learn how to open our arms and pull them in? I do not find myself courageous enough to know I can do this. I would love to go to church every Sunday in that odd shaped room. Very little is hidden there. Words are spoken freely. Scars are displayed with no shame because we all have them. Struggles are talked about because each one faces them. People are not afraid to be vulnerable because they know they are accepted. I do not experience freedom of that sort anywhere outside those jail walls and it leaves me wondering if I am mature enough in Him to even be ministering there.
For any one of you who periodically stop by this little blog, please take any time you would usually use to comment and pray for those women in jail. There really are some who want to follow the One who offers truth and life, but they find it so difficult to fit in the church.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
a television lurking in the waterfall
Isaiah 30:15--"...in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength..."
My quiet place of yesterday was overtaken by a noisemaker today. Yesterday as I sat in a quiet area enjoying the peaceful beauty of a waterfall fountain, I had no idea what was hidden in that fountain. Would you believe there's a television hiding in the waterfall? Yes, there is. Fortunately yesterday, when I enjoyed the peacefulness of that spot the television wasn't working, but apparently it has been fixed.
It's kind of like a lurking enemy infiltrating the space that seems safe. So now I sit in my comfy hotel room with a view of an orange grove which is peaceful. I know television isn't the enemy, but we've been weaned off television for several months now. For years, we had considered throwing out our television, but honestly the lure of the great deal we had on DirecTV kept us from doing it. I mean, we only paid about twelve dollars a month for our service (we've had friends try to get the same deal all to be told they don't do that, but when we called to cancel our service once, we were told if we stayed with them we could get just the family pack, that's the story of our great deal). We held on to t.v. because of the "great deal" knowing once we let it go we couldn't get it back. Looking back, we think why did we even care about that.
We had a strong conviction about what we allowed our kids to see, but just having the t.v. on sometimes invited the enemy's lures right into our living room. After seeing our oldest turn his head when certain commercials would come on, commercials that lure young men, just commercials...the kids weren't even allowed to watch shows that contained overtly inappropriate material...this was just commercials. Our own son showed us what was really happening by keeping that media box in our home. We were teaching them His way and telling them His Words, but then we opened the door to the enemy, allowing him to openly throw lures in the very quiet spot of our space together. So out went the television. I'm so thankful for those around us who had modeled this for us, seeing the leadership of others makes it a little easier to take the plunge.
We took the plunge in the midst of season finales. Some shows we had allowed in our home were interrupted by us using our t.v. for target shooting with husband's friend one day. Hearing and seeing the glass explode and the smoke was pretty cool for the little guys although there was one in the house who was unhappy knowing she would not see the next American Idol cheered on t.v. (Yes, we had allowed that show.) But we set out to fill the void, having learned that we always offer something positive to fill a space when we remove something from their lives. Life without the noisemaker? Hmmm....we spend more time talking about everything...we learned how to communicate with people we had lost contact with...we started studying Scriptures together as a family more...we've played more with each other...a couple of us have started blogs to share about Him...we've prayed together more...we've all read and written more...the best thing has probably been the forced quiet. The forced quiet would be the times whereas before when Dad or I were alone and might turn on the t.v. just for the noise or company, now we can't and we are left with quiet. Quiet can be unsettling until you learn what to do with it. When there is no distract-er in the house, we find ourselves reaching for more of His Words while we sit in the cozy chair or turning on the praise till it can be heard throughout the house. Or just meditating on Words studied in the past, ruminating, then slipping into a conversation with Him about what He wants us to learn.
We were never addicts. We monitored the watching. Even when we had one, we still spent time together. But it's absence is glorious. Even as football season starts and my fellas sometimes disappear next door to catch a glimpse of a touchdown or two, I don't want it back. A lot has happened for our family since we let the t.v. go. Preach and I have both come to a greater understanding of just how short our lives are here. We don't want to waste the little time we have. Our children have only a little time too and we want them to learn to fill their time with what's profitable for Him.
Struggles have come too. The enemy throws lures in new directions when his other source has been turned off. He's desperate, but God is almighty and has no equal foe so I cling to my Source Who keeps me.
Isaiah 32:18--"And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places."
My quiet place of yesterday was overtaken by a noisemaker today. Yesterday as I sat in a quiet area enjoying the peaceful beauty of a waterfall fountain, I had no idea what was hidden in that fountain. Would you believe there's a television hiding in the waterfall? Yes, there is. Fortunately yesterday, when I enjoyed the peacefulness of that spot the television wasn't working, but apparently it has been fixed.
It's kind of like a lurking enemy infiltrating the space that seems safe. So now I sit in my comfy hotel room with a view of an orange grove which is peaceful. I know television isn't the enemy, but we've been weaned off television for several months now. For years, we had considered throwing out our television, but honestly the lure of the great deal we had on DirecTV kept us from doing it. I mean, we only paid about twelve dollars a month for our service (we've had friends try to get the same deal all to be told they don't do that, but when we called to cancel our service once, we were told if we stayed with them we could get just the family pack, that's the story of our great deal). We held on to t.v. because of the "great deal" knowing once we let it go we couldn't get it back. Looking back, we think why did we even care about that.
We had a strong conviction about what we allowed our kids to see, but just having the t.v. on sometimes invited the enemy's lures right into our living room. After seeing our oldest turn his head when certain commercials would come on, commercials that lure young men, just commercials...the kids weren't even allowed to watch shows that contained overtly inappropriate material...this was just commercials. Our own son showed us what was really happening by keeping that media box in our home. We were teaching them His way and telling them His Words, but then we opened the door to the enemy, allowing him to openly throw lures in the very quiet spot of our space together. So out went the television. I'm so thankful for those around us who had modeled this for us, seeing the leadership of others makes it a little easier to take the plunge.
We took the plunge in the midst of season finales. Some shows we had allowed in our home were interrupted by us using our t.v. for target shooting with husband's friend one day. Hearing and seeing the glass explode and the smoke was pretty cool for the little guys although there was one in the house who was unhappy knowing she would not see the next American Idol cheered on t.v. (Yes, we had allowed that show.) But we set out to fill the void, having learned that we always offer something positive to fill a space when we remove something from their lives. Life without the noisemaker? Hmmm....we spend more time talking about everything...we learned how to communicate with people we had lost contact with...we started studying Scriptures together as a family more...we've played more with each other...a couple of us have started blogs to share about Him...we've prayed together more...we've all read and written more...the best thing has probably been the forced quiet. The forced quiet would be the times whereas before when Dad or I were alone and might turn on the t.v. just for the noise or company, now we can't and we are left with quiet. Quiet can be unsettling until you learn what to do with it. When there is no distract-er in the house, we find ourselves reaching for more of His Words while we sit in the cozy chair or turning on the praise till it can be heard throughout the house. Or just meditating on Words studied in the past, ruminating, then slipping into a conversation with Him about what He wants us to learn.
We were never addicts. We monitored the watching. Even when we had one, we still spent time together. But it's absence is glorious. Even as football season starts and my fellas sometimes disappear next door to catch a glimpse of a touchdown or two, I don't want it back. A lot has happened for our family since we let the t.v. go. Preach and I have both come to a greater understanding of just how short our lives are here. We don't want to waste the little time we have. Our children have only a little time too and we want them to learn to fill their time with what's profitable for Him.
Struggles have come too. The enemy throws lures in new directions when his other source has been turned off. He's desperate, but God is almighty and has no equal foe so I cling to my Source Who keeps me.
Isaiah 32:18--"And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places."
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
chamomile tea and river of delights
Psalm 1:3--"And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper."
I'm being spoiled today.
My husband is one of the hardest working men I've ever known. I've been so thankful for his work ethic over the years. His dedication has kept him from being unemployed even once when the company he was working for went out of business. Others from other companies knew him from his work and hired him immediately to work for them. He's been blessed, but blessed because he's remained steadfast in faith and work. He's taught that same work ethic to our kids. He reminds me of "a tree planted by the rivers of water", stable and fruitful. Many people give me far too much credit for good things they see in our kids. We are definitely a team in the effort. Preach is the rock of the family keeping things stable while I'm more like the fluttering butterfly bringing fun and life into the picture (although lately I'm not sure I've been up to par on my end!).
Back to my being spoiled. His work has him out of town much of the time, but if he works within two hours of home he drives back and forth every day. Recently, he's been working about two and a half hours away. Usually that means the hotel for him and us doing without him till Friday night, but when the "fluttering butterfly" wife went into a nosedive recently, really needing her "rock" man around, this man started driving back and forth from the job everyday. That's five hours driving each day, not even counting the hours he spends driving everyday from one job site to another. He's a special kind of rock, diamond quality. Now my spoiling is happening because this week he is staying away in the hotel, but he invited me to come.
I split the children up between both sets of grandparents, well, the oldest is in Honduras. So here I am at a very nice hotel, nicer than where he usually stays (he did that for me!). Right now, sitting in a very peaceful dining area with a large waterfall fountain, I've just been thinking about Psalm 36:8, "...thou shalt make them drink of the river of thy pleasures." It's 9:30A.M. and I'm sipping chamomile tea, indulging in some much needed Scripture reading, and if the chamomile relaxes me too much, I can take a nap. Yes, this setting is temporary and tomorrow I head back home and gather up my sweet arrows up. Then when we wake up Thursday, by 9:30 in the morning I'll have answered tens of questions from little ones, changed diapers, made some breakfast, cleaned dishes, started school and juggled whatever else comes. His river of pleasures follow me wherever I go. I get them at home with those precious ones, I get them on a special trip away with "rock solid" man. Even when I have my most desperate moments, thinking I don't have strength to continue, I look around me and if I really open my eyes, I see his blessings and I cannot deny them because they're there.
Psalm 36:9--"For with thee is the fountain of life..."
I'm being spoiled today.
My husband is one of the hardest working men I've ever known. I've been so thankful for his work ethic over the years. His dedication has kept him from being unemployed even once when the company he was working for went out of business. Others from other companies knew him from his work and hired him immediately to work for them. He's been blessed, but blessed because he's remained steadfast in faith and work. He's taught that same work ethic to our kids. He reminds me of "a tree planted by the rivers of water", stable and fruitful. Many people give me far too much credit for good things they see in our kids. We are definitely a team in the effort. Preach is the rock of the family keeping things stable while I'm more like the fluttering butterfly bringing fun and life into the picture (although lately I'm not sure I've been up to par on my end!).
Back to my being spoiled. His work has him out of town much of the time, but if he works within two hours of home he drives back and forth every day. Recently, he's been working about two and a half hours away. Usually that means the hotel for him and us doing without him till Friday night, but when the "fluttering butterfly" wife went into a nosedive recently, really needing her "rock" man around, this man started driving back and forth from the job everyday. That's five hours driving each day, not even counting the hours he spends driving everyday from one job site to another. He's a special kind of rock, diamond quality. Now my spoiling is happening because this week he is staying away in the hotel, but he invited me to come.
I split the children up between both sets of grandparents, well, the oldest is in Honduras. So here I am at a very nice hotel, nicer than where he usually stays (he did that for me!). Right now, sitting in a very peaceful dining area with a large waterfall fountain, I've just been thinking about Psalm 36:8, "...thou shalt make them drink of the river of thy pleasures." It's 9:30A.M. and I'm sipping chamomile tea, indulging in some much needed Scripture reading, and if the chamomile relaxes me too much, I can take a nap. Yes, this setting is temporary and tomorrow I head back home and gather up my sweet arrows up. Then when we wake up Thursday, by 9:30 in the morning I'll have answered tens of questions from little ones, changed diapers, made some breakfast, cleaned dishes, started school and juggled whatever else comes. His river of pleasures follow me wherever I go. I get them at home with those precious ones, I get them on a special trip away with "rock solid" man. Even when I have my most desperate moments, thinking I don't have strength to continue, I look around me and if I really open my eyes, I see his blessings and I cannot deny them because they're there.
Psalm 36:9--"For with thee is the fountain of life..."
Saturday, September 12, 2009
they're all His words
I'm so thankful those whose hands penned God's Word were men with faults. Not that I glory in the faults of others, but knowing those who wrote those words struggled gives me comfort as I walk through my own struggles.
We are taking one Psalm at a time right now, writing our thoughts about them in our journals. As we write, it's been a good time to point out to the kids a pattern we see in many of the psalms of David. He begins some of his passages questioning God. I heard a teacher who gave a quizzical look and spoke of these questions as though David was wrong for such. Sometimes I speak up, but that day I stayed quiet. (I don't like to feel like I'm correcting someone who's supposed to be teaching me.) But those places where David agonizes with questions are precious to me because they are Scripture and they too are the inspired words of God. I appreciate so much the writing style of the shepherd boy made king. I do not write anything quite so beautiful, but when I find a scrap of paper and pen, I often write with questions to Him first, too. My heart many times being heavy and seeking comfort from Him...so out it spills onto whatever paper I find and something happens in the writing. Comfort, memories of faithfulness, truth healing the brokenness, something happens so that by the end the message is the same. The same as the conclusion David reaches...but You are faithful God and You make the way for Yours and all will be okay as I stay under Your shadow. I'm thankful those are His inspired words. It gives me hope that my questions and struggles are to be expected as long as my conclusion matches his.
Psalm 13
How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.
We are taking one Psalm at a time right now, writing our thoughts about them in our journals. As we write, it's been a good time to point out to the kids a pattern we see in many of the psalms of David. He begins some of his passages questioning God. I heard a teacher who gave a quizzical look and spoke of these questions as though David was wrong for such. Sometimes I speak up, but that day I stayed quiet. (I don't like to feel like I'm correcting someone who's supposed to be teaching me.) But those places where David agonizes with questions are precious to me because they are Scripture and they too are the inspired words of God. I appreciate so much the writing style of the shepherd boy made king. I do not write anything quite so beautiful, but when I find a scrap of paper and pen, I often write with questions to Him first, too. My heart many times being heavy and seeking comfort from Him...so out it spills onto whatever paper I find and something happens in the writing. Comfort, memories of faithfulness, truth healing the brokenness, something happens so that by the end the message is the same. The same as the conclusion David reaches...but You are faithful God and You make the way for Yours and all will be okay as I stay under Your shadow. I'm thankful those are His inspired words. It gives me hope that my questions and struggles are to be expected as long as my conclusion matches his.
Psalm 13
How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
of wearing scarlet letters
John 8:32--"...the truth shall make you free."
It has been one of my favorite books since I first immersed myself fully into the lives of its characters...Hester Prynne-the openly shamed, the "thought" to be upright man-her companion in sin, Pearl-the feisty child born as a result.
She wore a scarlet letter for all to see, a sign to all of her most secret sin. Evidence of his sin, though seen as her belly would swell with child, was never worn by him. She carried the guilt and the child. He lived well respected by all, but tortured inside. She told no one the identity of her beloved Pearl's father.
She was jailed, rebuked, cast out, spoken about, shamed publicly and through it all she found freedom. After all, once they did all that to her, what else could they do? When there was no more pressure to perform tasks, fulfill expected duties, show up at the observances set by man...when all of that pressure to perform was gone, for she could no longer impress anyone, then she found that she could just be. She could finally be who she was supposed to be. Though she wore that scarlet letter, people found her anytime there was a need. They soon learned that this woman donning the letter A was the one they could call when there was sickness or tragedy. She showed up because that was who she was. The letter was just a mark showing she committed a sin. She wore it past the time they would have made her. She was not afraid of it or shamed by it anymore. She knew everyone else had one too...they just didn't display them. What freedom is found in the exposure...in the acknowledgement of human frailty!
Then there was the man. Sad, heavy laden man. He longed for the freedom, but knew in the telling so many would be let down. Certainly they would turn from God if they knew about his great trespass. So it lay hidden, for years, even as the child he fathered grew before his eyes. Him not being able to call her his own because of fear...fear of the people. His scarlet letter was there too. It was just hidden...there is no freedom when it's hidden, just burden.
I want to wear all my scarlet letters!! I love the freedom in exposure. Exposure of what is already known..."for all have sinned and fallen short". I'm sure maybe Nathaniel Hawthorne may not have intended his book to have such meaning as I take from it, but that is the beauty of a story, there can be found even more than author intends. He may have even meant it as defiance against the church at the time. But the story reveals a truth in the Christian life--there is freedom in confession and burden in concealment. Once we shed the need to maintain "our" reputations, we are free to walk under His...His reputation of grace.
Matthew 11:28-30--"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
It has been one of my favorite books since I first immersed myself fully into the lives of its characters...Hester Prynne-the openly shamed, the "thought" to be upright man-her companion in sin, Pearl-the feisty child born as a result.
She wore a scarlet letter for all to see, a sign to all of her most secret sin. Evidence of his sin, though seen as her belly would swell with child, was never worn by him. She carried the guilt and the child. He lived well respected by all, but tortured inside. She told no one the identity of her beloved Pearl's father.
She was jailed, rebuked, cast out, spoken about, shamed publicly and through it all she found freedom. After all, once they did all that to her, what else could they do? When there was no more pressure to perform tasks, fulfill expected duties, show up at the observances set by man...when all of that pressure to perform was gone, for she could no longer impress anyone, then she found that she could just be. She could finally be who she was supposed to be. Though she wore that scarlet letter, people found her anytime there was a need. They soon learned that this woman donning the letter A was the one they could call when there was sickness or tragedy. She showed up because that was who she was. The letter was just a mark showing she committed a sin. She wore it past the time they would have made her. She was not afraid of it or shamed by it anymore. She knew everyone else had one too...they just didn't display them. What freedom is found in the exposure...in the acknowledgement of human frailty!
Then there was the man. Sad, heavy laden man. He longed for the freedom, but knew in the telling so many would be let down. Certainly they would turn from God if they knew about his great trespass. So it lay hidden, for years, even as the child he fathered grew before his eyes. Him not being able to call her his own because of fear...fear of the people. His scarlet letter was there too. It was just hidden...there is no freedom when it's hidden, just burden.
I want to wear all my scarlet letters!! I love the freedom in exposure. Exposure of what is already known..."for all have sinned and fallen short". I'm sure maybe Nathaniel Hawthorne may not have intended his book to have such meaning as I take from it, but that is the beauty of a story, there can be found even more than author intends. He may have even meant it as defiance against the church at the time. But the story reveals a truth in the Christian life--there is freedom in confession and burden in concealment. Once we shed the need to maintain "our" reputations, we are free to walk under His...His reputation of grace.
Matthew 11:28-30--"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The Jesus Book--Book Review
Recently, well, actually about a month ago, I received another book to review. This time a children's book--The Jesus Book by Stephen Elkins. This colorful children's book of close to 100 pages, which includes a thirty song music CD, describes itself as the "Ultimate Who, What, When, Where, and Why Book" about Jesus. I found it to be very much based on Scripture. The book is divided into the following sections: Who Jesus Is, What Jesus Did, What Jesus Taught, When It Happened, Where It Happened, Why It Happened, and How It Happened. Each of these sections has a number of Scripture sited answers to these questions, brief summaries of what the Bible actually says.
For example, in the first section, Who Is Jesus, the first answer provided about who He is says "The prophets said Jesus was the Promised One." The Scripture sited is Isaiah 9:6 and the summary explains who prophets were and what they did. Then it briefly tells about Isaiah and what he told about Christ in this passage, followed by briefly mentioning other prophets who spoke about Christ and what they said about where He would be born and how He would die.
That's just the first page! This book is full of Scripture referenced information to teach little ones all about Jesus in a way that is very easy to understand. If reading this book to little ones, I believe the appropriate age could be as young as any three year old who can sit still for at least five or ten minutes to listen to just one page per sitting. However, children in early elementary grades could easily benefit from the information contained here because as you get further along in the book there are details, especially in the Where Did It Happen section, that they may not know. I would think it could be read by even 3rd or 4th graders. I would say that the music is probably more for younger children, however, I have a nine year old who enjoys it also. The illustrations are very appealing, also.
I really like this book. I chose it intending to give it to my six year old for Christmas, but the information is presented so well that I decided to use it as his main Bible curriculum for school. We are going to have a great time with this book!
For example, in the first section, Who Is Jesus, the first answer provided about who He is says "The prophets said Jesus was the Promised One." The Scripture sited is Isaiah 9:6 and the summary explains who prophets were and what they did. Then it briefly tells about Isaiah and what he told about Christ in this passage, followed by briefly mentioning other prophets who spoke about Christ and what they said about where He would be born and how He would die.
That's just the first page! This book is full of Scripture referenced information to teach little ones all about Jesus in a way that is very easy to understand. If reading this book to little ones, I believe the appropriate age could be as young as any three year old who can sit still for at least five or ten minutes to listen to just one page per sitting. However, children in early elementary grades could easily benefit from the information contained here because as you get further along in the book there are details, especially in the Where Did It Happen section, that they may not know. I would think it could be read by even 3rd or 4th graders. I would say that the music is probably more for younger children, however, I have a nine year old who enjoys it also. The illustrations are very appealing, also.
I really like this book. I chose it intending to give it to my six year old for Christmas, but the information is presented so well that I decided to use it as his main Bible curriculum for school. We are going to have a great time with this book!
Monday, September 7, 2009
growing inside through outside obstacles
3 John 4--"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."
I'm learning to be thankful for difficulties our little ones face as they grow. I have yet to find a child who begins walking perfectly without stumbling. It is the very stumbling that teaches them the need to steady themselves and walk with care. It's the same with struggles as they grow.
One of our little guys struggles with concentrating on his schoolwork whenever distractions are around him. I guess I could sequester him in a room by himself, leaving him with an empty atmosphere, nothing but quiet. That may work, until he becomes an adult and realizes there are no such places left on the planet. I would not want to stunt his growth in such a way as to cripple him for the future so he cannot cope with distractions around him. So instead, he's made to do his work in the open spaces of our home-with little one year old running around singing, little brother calling out for help occasionally, phone sometimes ringing, not because I aim to make it difficult for him, but that is the normality of life and I want him to learn to cope in that atmosphere.
So he struggles and he calls to me and my biggest blessing I can pass down to him occurs. I have the chance to tell him to ask the LORD to help him. It's those moments throughout the day that teach him about the faithfulness of a Savior. I'm glad he learns the stories from the Bible at church, but it's the day to day learning to trust the One he's learning about that I'm after. So when we have a moment when he's stressed or upset because he's gotten confused or frustrated, we can pray together and sometimes I encourage him to have quiet time alone with the LORD and ask for help.
I want him to learn now who he can rely on for all help. My help is limited. I could give him the quiet he needs, but that would be a temporary solution. Anyone else's help is limited, too. They may recommend the quiet or even prescribe an answer in a pill. I want him to know now that there is an answer, but it comes from the One he needs to rely on for all of his difficulties. The One who will also guide him through the troubles to come. What better thing could I give him than to encourage him to trust the One who doesn't fail even now as a child so that when he's a man he will seek help from the One who has shown Himself faithful already? My little guys faith will already have roots. That's what I want to pass to all of them--deep roots of faith.
Psalm 1:2,3--"But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.
I'm learning to be thankful for difficulties our little ones face as they grow. I have yet to find a child who begins walking perfectly without stumbling. It is the very stumbling that teaches them the need to steady themselves and walk with care. It's the same with struggles as they grow.
One of our little guys struggles with concentrating on his schoolwork whenever distractions are around him. I guess I could sequester him in a room by himself, leaving him with an empty atmosphere, nothing but quiet. That may work, until he becomes an adult and realizes there are no such places left on the planet. I would not want to stunt his growth in such a way as to cripple him for the future so he cannot cope with distractions around him. So instead, he's made to do his work in the open spaces of our home-with little one year old running around singing, little brother calling out for help occasionally, phone sometimes ringing, not because I aim to make it difficult for him, but that is the normality of life and I want him to learn to cope in that atmosphere.
So he struggles and he calls to me and my biggest blessing I can pass down to him occurs. I have the chance to tell him to ask the LORD to help him. It's those moments throughout the day that teach him about the faithfulness of a Savior. I'm glad he learns the stories from the Bible at church, but it's the day to day learning to trust the One he's learning about that I'm after. So when we have a moment when he's stressed or upset because he's gotten confused or frustrated, we can pray together and sometimes I encourage him to have quiet time alone with the LORD and ask for help.
I want him to learn now who he can rely on for all help. My help is limited. I could give him the quiet he needs, but that would be a temporary solution. Anyone else's help is limited, too. They may recommend the quiet or even prescribe an answer in a pill. I want him to know now that there is an answer, but it comes from the One he needs to rely on for all of his difficulties. The One who will also guide him through the troubles to come. What better thing could I give him than to encourage him to trust the One who doesn't fail even now as a child so that when he's a man he will seek help from the One who has shown Himself faithful already? My little guys faith will already have roots. That's what I want to pass to all of them--deep roots of faith.
Psalm 1:2,3--"But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
giving an anchor to steady them
Hebrews 6:19--"which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast..."
I have needed an anchor all my life. That has been the benefit of having trials in my youngest years. Now I can look back with gratitude at what the LORD was doing in the midst of what seemed to be craziness because my desperate need for something sure and true led me to seek Him diligently.
I no longer cry or bemoan the past, but surprisingly, I can look at it and see Him working even as the enemy attempted to use the sins of others to destroy. Destruction that the enemy always hopes for did not come, though despair made an appearance occasionally. But there was always an alternative to despair--hope.
Now Husband and I attempt to aim and shoot our five little arrows at what is sure and true. One day they will be the grown ups that we are now. I refuse to join in any chorus of voices weeping for their futures because one day I expect them to take the reins as mature individuals and stand for Him. I do not want comfort to be their companion, for comfort can breed idleness. I want them to always be alert. I do not hope for difficulties for them, but I happen to know that they will get them so I want to prepare them for that. They will have battles. They will face disappointments. They will go through trials. No matter what I may try to do to keep them safe, all of those things will come. So I want to leave with them that which will hold them steadfast. There is little that can offer that, but hope in Him certainly does.
Hope in Him allows one to hold on a little while longer. It keeps one from walking toward the deceptive claws of the enemy. It helps one open the eyelids to see a new day after a night full of tears. Hope does not disappoint. Hope bears good fruit because the one who hopes walks in the confidence of a promise from One who does not fail to deliver.
We have all of our little gifts still living under roof and my goal is to keep them as long as possible so I can pour into them words from Him. But years rush and time is not in my control so I pour on hope...His hope. It is one thing I can offer that has never let me down.
Romans 8:24,25--"For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it."
I have needed an anchor all my life. That has been the benefit of having trials in my youngest years. Now I can look back with gratitude at what the LORD was doing in the midst of what seemed to be craziness because my desperate need for something sure and true led me to seek Him diligently.
I no longer cry or bemoan the past, but surprisingly, I can look at it and see Him working even as the enemy attempted to use the sins of others to destroy. Destruction that the enemy always hopes for did not come, though despair made an appearance occasionally. But there was always an alternative to despair--hope.
Now Husband and I attempt to aim and shoot our five little arrows at what is sure and true. One day they will be the grown ups that we are now. I refuse to join in any chorus of voices weeping for their futures because one day I expect them to take the reins as mature individuals and stand for Him. I do not want comfort to be their companion, for comfort can breed idleness. I want them to always be alert. I do not hope for difficulties for them, but I happen to know that they will get them so I want to prepare them for that. They will have battles. They will face disappointments. They will go through trials. No matter what I may try to do to keep them safe, all of those things will come. So I want to leave with them that which will hold them steadfast. There is little that can offer that, but hope in Him certainly does.
Hope in Him allows one to hold on a little while longer. It keeps one from walking toward the deceptive claws of the enemy. It helps one open the eyelids to see a new day after a night full of tears. Hope does not disappoint. Hope bears good fruit because the one who hopes walks in the confidence of a promise from One who does not fail to deliver.
We have all of our little gifts still living under roof and my goal is to keep them as long as possible so I can pour into them words from Him. But years rush and time is not in my control so I pour on hope...His hope. It is one thing I can offer that has never let me down.
Romans 8:24,25--"For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it."
the One who molds, refines, and prunes
Ezekiel 14:7,8--"For every one of the house of Israel, or of the stranger that sojourneth in Israel, which separateth himself from me, and setteth up his idols in his heart, and putteth the stumblingblock of his iniquity before his face...I the Lord will answer him by myself: and I will set my face against that man...and ye shall know that I am the LORD."
I hope to one day write about nothing but cheer and happy thoughts, but this is not to be that year I suppose. My growing in Him continues-along with the refinement fire to burn up all that is no good in me. These last few years that whole sifting process has caused me to see where I had hoarded excuses in the secret hideouts in my heart. Excuses for acting like this or thinking like that. Now He has exposed it all so I have no more excuses. I know He does this simply because He loves me and I asked to be made real. But it leaves me standing on what seems like a precipice of decision. Can I keep going? That may be better asked can I keep growing? Sometimes I just feel like the growing process will kill me...maybe that's what He's after. Getting rid of the "me" that He never intended to be me anyway, replacing that with something new from Him.
Sometimes the "religious" do's and don'ts tended to distract me from what was in my heart. The practices of religion and even observances could become so tedious to follow that it was easy to think I was doing my part as long as I was participating in the practices established by man. Maybe some of those practices in this world are even great tools used by the enemy to keep people from focusing on what is really vital-the heart being pure before the Almighty.
I do not understand as much about Him as I once thought I did . He looms larger and larger. His ways are more mysterious than I can conceive, but His faithfulness continues to woo me. His promises never fail. Though I don't understand all of His words, I read them and they show me hints of His character-that I may know that He is the LORD. Warnings and promises, all for me and I cannot take only the parts that look appealing.
Ezekiel 16:60-62--"Nevertheless I will remember my covenant with thee in the days of thy youth, and I will establish unto thee an everlasting covenant. Then thou shalt remember thy ways and be ashamed...and thou shalt know that I am the LORD."
I hope to one day write about nothing but cheer and happy thoughts, but this is not to be that year I suppose. My growing in Him continues-along with the refinement fire to burn up all that is no good in me. These last few years that whole sifting process has caused me to see where I had hoarded excuses in the secret hideouts in my heart. Excuses for acting like this or thinking like that. Now He has exposed it all so I have no more excuses. I know He does this simply because He loves me and I asked to be made real. But it leaves me standing on what seems like a precipice of decision. Can I keep going? That may be better asked can I keep growing? Sometimes I just feel like the growing process will kill me...maybe that's what He's after. Getting rid of the "me" that He never intended to be me anyway, replacing that with something new from Him.
Sometimes the "religious" do's and don'ts tended to distract me from what was in my heart. The practices of religion and even observances could become so tedious to follow that it was easy to think I was doing my part as long as I was participating in the practices established by man. Maybe some of those practices in this world are even great tools used by the enemy to keep people from focusing on what is really vital-the heart being pure before the Almighty.
I do not understand as much about Him as I once thought I did . He looms larger and larger. His ways are more mysterious than I can conceive, but His faithfulness continues to woo me. His promises never fail. Though I don't understand all of His words, I read them and they show me hints of His character-that I may know that He is the LORD. Warnings and promises, all for me and I cannot take only the parts that look appealing.
Ezekiel 16:60-62--"Nevertheless I will remember my covenant with thee in the days of thy youth, and I will establish unto thee an everlasting covenant. Then thou shalt remember thy ways and be ashamed...and thou shalt know that I am the LORD."
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
it never happened the way they said
My joys:
Older brother and sister cooking dinner together (with smiles and laughs)
Little brother seeking place closest to baby sister at the table
Youngest brother drawing picture of a castle after reading about God, his refuge
Baby sister laughing as she shows everyone how she can say "shhh" with little finger to mouth
I have to admit I had a slight fear of what raising kids could include. I listened to people talk about what kids do and how they act--what we could expect. Now that years have passed, I've learned to use my ears like my old radio dial, adjusting my hearing to only those voices that speak wisely and carefully and immediately tuning out many loud voices that speak without much thought.
We were warned about the toddler years. The chosen term was "terrible" back then. Then the years when they would "drive us crazy" by all the questions they ask. Of course, the preteen years for girls were supposed to do us in. But finally when they became teenagers, that's when the real torture was supposed to happen.
Yet I sit here wondering how all these people managed to be so tormented by this parenting experience and I get to be so blessed by it.
Not only blessed, but I have benefited from it, reaping an abundance of growth in my character and my spirit, as I have had to learn to change me in the process of leading them.
When Dad is away and school starts again, we spend so much time studying together, cleaning together, playing together, and tonight cooking together. I watch as we sit at the table and my eyes see the most amazing things. What kids are really like, not what people warned us about.
I enjoy them. Of course there have been difficult times, but most of those were opportunities for them to see their need of a Savior and for growth for Mom and Dad.
I feel for all those who warned and spread fear about parenting. Either they simply spoke loose words for conversations sake or they actually meant what they said. The latter is full of even more sadness to me because it means they just accepted lies about kids as facts and probably never saw the amazing little beings God put beside them to bless them.
Older brother and sister cooking dinner together (with smiles and laughs)
Little brother seeking place closest to baby sister at the table
Youngest brother drawing picture of a castle after reading about God, his refuge
Baby sister laughing as she shows everyone how she can say "shhh" with little finger to mouth
I have to admit I had a slight fear of what raising kids could include. I listened to people talk about what kids do and how they act--what we could expect. Now that years have passed, I've learned to use my ears like my old radio dial, adjusting my hearing to only those voices that speak wisely and carefully and immediately tuning out many loud voices that speak without much thought.
We were warned about the toddler years. The chosen term was "terrible" back then. Then the years when they would "drive us crazy" by all the questions they ask. Of course, the preteen years for girls were supposed to do us in. But finally when they became teenagers, that's when the real torture was supposed to happen.
Yet I sit here wondering how all these people managed to be so tormented by this parenting experience and I get to be so blessed by it.
Not only blessed, but I have benefited from it, reaping an abundance of growth in my character and my spirit, as I have had to learn to change me in the process of leading them.
When Dad is away and school starts again, we spend so much time studying together, cleaning together, playing together, and tonight cooking together. I watch as we sit at the table and my eyes see the most amazing things. What kids are really like, not what people warned us about.
I enjoy them. Of course there have been difficult times, but most of those were opportunities for them to see their need of a Savior and for growth for Mom and Dad.
I feel for all those who warned and spread fear about parenting. Either they simply spoke loose words for conversations sake or they actually meant what they said. The latter is full of even more sadness to me because it means they just accepted lies about kids as facts and probably never saw the amazing little beings God put beside them to bless them.
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