One day I want to be tough. Sometimes the weakness in me causes an intense pain in the inward parts. The kind of pain that allows tears to flow when it doesn't make sense to cry. Logic screams to me "this is not cry-worthy" or "this doesn't bother anyone else" or maybe "why do you take things so seriously?" But the "weak me" is actually stronger than any logic and I succumb to the torture my mind will put me through.
I had anticipated this day all week. Open House at our local Historical Society. I've been spending much time there lately working on a genealogy. This is an incredible place, the building itself will turn 100 years old next year. But it's the material living on the shelves that is really the draw for me. I enjoy every moment I spend there.
I did have slight trepidation in going today. I recently voiced opinions that could offend some there. So I've been on tiptoes lately when I approach the door. But today was THE day. The day when many would be there...my opportunity to be friendly in an effort to show that my opinion doesn't equal hostility.
As I entered, a familiar friendly face was there to my delight. But my delight ended right when it began because the next moment I entered a room with about four people I don't know. That's all it took to topple my intentions of showing friendship. I was through that room and into the hallway, heading upstairs to spend a few hours alone with historical books. Ignoring kind invitations to come back. Put simply--I was rude. My discomfort with people came out and I was rude. I gave in to fear...again.
I tend to have to relearn this lesson often--Fear nothing, but the LORD. When I have HIM at the center of my thoughts, nothing scares me, no fear of people, nothing. But when I'm at the center of my thoughts, I have days like this!
If I would just get my thoughts right or "take them captive", then "weak me" wouldn't be so powerful right now.
Proverbs 14:26--"In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence..."
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